"i'm back"

i sat in the dark room as the first rays of sunlight came in. my hands were cold, but i didn't move. i didn't want to make any noise, for fear of missing the first sound of it. i had waited up all night. i couldn't sleep. the rest of my family had been sleeping ever since they'd been sent off to bed. but not me. my cold coffee sat before me on the hardwood table. maria's flowers sat on the windsill. my knee wouldn't keep still, going up and down nervously. when, when, when?

that's when i heard it: the low rumble of the old ford truck. i jumped out of my chair and rushed out the door. my bare feet pounded along the dusty road through the dead yellow grass. my long brown hair flew out behind me. my breathing sounded loud in my ears. i didn't stop, running with all my might towards that sound that i had been waiting for... for what seemed like so long.

i stopped in the middle of the road. there it was. the old ford sputtered to a halt. dad's tall figure strode towards me, shadowed by the sun. i caught my breath. i hadn't see him in what felt like forever. i ran towards him.

"daddy." the words that i'd been yearning to say for so long came off my lips without me even thinking about it.

"i'm back." he hugged me tightly. "my little sarah. i'm back. i'm not leaving."

"i love you, daddy."

"i love you, too, sarah."

i took a walk down the quiet path

i took a walk

down the quiet path

all alone

in the dark

sun rising

through the mist

birds quiet

in the trees

cobbles hard

beneath my feet

winding deep

within the forest

i had heard

the tales

the stories

the legends

about this wood

but they didn't

scare me

i knew the beauties

i knew the secrets

i knew the wonders

of this wood

this place

where people

had made myths

legends

tales

stories

and so i walked forward

unafraid

for what felt like

the forest time

in my life

i took a walk

down the quiet path

needing to get away

from the noise

of life

the business

that seems to consume

everyone else

i can't stand

all of these people

all of this noise

i just need

to get away

to be alone

just have some time

by myself

so

i took a walk

down the quiet path

hoping to find

some quiet

some peace

some beauty

and some time

alone

i took a walk

down the quiet path

breathing in

the fresh scent

of the trees

the beautiful smell

of the flowers

and feeling

finally

free

from the noise

the business

of the city

i was finally

back home

this was the place

i felt

i belonged

i looked for

my friends

and they were

here

the magical

mystical

and sometimes

rather strange

people

who dwelt

in these woods

they had come back

to see me

again

i smiled

we were ready

for an adventure

the only adventure

that you can have

if you take a walk

down the quiet path

and throw off

the busy things

of life

and get away

from the noise

and stay quiet

enough

so that you can

hear them

calling

we were ready

are you?

"i don't want this magical world to end"

i sit out

under the stars

the fairies fly

by my eyes

a trailing light

of magic dust

sparkles in

the pixies' hair

the Lion stands

atop the hill

smiling down at me

my friends sit

around me

watching the stars

basking in

the happiness

that we had found

and i heard

His voice

in my head

"it will end"

"soon you must"

"leave"

and i felt

this sadness

this weight

in my heart

and i stood

and walked

into the forest

and i felt

the words

come off

my lips

"i don't want this magical world to end"

a tear

it slid

down my cheek

"stop it"

i hissed

i didn't want

to think

of leaving here

of leaving

my friends

of leaving

my memories

i didn't want

to forget

anything

but what if i

did?

i didn't want

that to happen

i wanted to come back

i wanted to have

more adventures

here

i wanted to meet

more people

i wanted to go

to new places

i wanted more

amazing things

to happen

 i wanted to live

another lifetime

and i realized

in that dark forest

by myself

that

i didn't want this magical world to end

ever

i felt

a presence

behind me

a loft

comforting

familiar

presence

and i knew

that He

was there

"why?"

i whispered

"why

does all of this

have to end?"

He was silent

for a moment

both of us

quietly standing

the small fairies

their little lights

trailing

glowing lights

in the dark

forest

"because"

He finally started

"because

it is your time"

"because

you have learned

what you were meant to learn

and though

you find this sad

you will find it good

that you learned this

and instead

of being sad

think of all

the happy times

that you have had

here

and be joyful

instead of

sad"

"alright"

i nodded

"i understand"

"thank you"

i heard Him laugh

a low

soft

laugh

"I love you

I will always love you

I will always be there

for you

even when you're scared

when when you think

you're alone

I am there

and I

will always

help you"

and i smiled

and i turned

and He was there

the Lion

and i wrapped

my arms

around His neck

and we just stood there

and i knew--

i knew i would miss

this place

but i also knew

that i was about

to enter

another

"magical" world

and that i

had a new

adventure

before me

you have an adventure \\ live that adventure

thank you

via

thanks for all of your lovely comments, reactions, shares, etc. i love how everything's going on here. i love posting what i post. i love saying what i say. this is a part of me that usually stays hidden in me, because i'm scared to show it. i'm scared people will laugh. but you guys don't. that's why i love sharing it with you. i just want to say thank you. thank you for everything. thank you for being such amazing friends. thank you for not hating me. thank you. <3

i have updated two of my pages, my "about" and my "lovelies" page. i'd love to have you check them out.

until another day

anna

"can we start over?"

she would forever be haunted

by the eyes

the face

the screaming words

that came out

towards her

begging for help

"help"

"help me"

she had ignored them

looked the other way

and walked towards another dream

trying to forget

everything that had happened

everything she'd promised

everything they'd planned

they'd been found out

and she realized

if she'd helped him escape

she would have suffered

the same fate

as him

but then

she didn't know

she only thought of herself

she only thought of getting away

building a new dream

finding a new path

one away from him

where nobody would ever

ever ever ever

guess the truth

years later

she remembered the eyes

she remembered the words

that passed between them

she remembered her own lying words--

"do you know him?"

"no."

his face had fell

his heart had been hardened

she had ruined

years

of relationship

with just one

little

word

she hadn't really realized

what she lost

until she had

really lost it

when he had left

been taken away

and she had fled

hoping for a new life

a new dream

one that she soon found

she would never find

"excuse me"

the voice

at first

wasn't familiar

"yes?"

she turned

and suddenly

it was like she was back

to a girl

who had found

the person she wanted to marry

and suddenly

she felt faint

and grabbed for something

his face paled

his eyes grew large

and that one word

that one accusing word

that one word

that ripped her heart out

and sent it flying

"you"

her eyes flickered

her heart in her throat

"i'm...i'm sorry"

his eyes flashed

anger

he didn't care about her

he didn't care anymore

she had ruined him

she saw it in his eyes

and she felt

the one thing

she had pushed away

so many times

over the years

pain

"please, please, forgive me"

she begged

in a whisper

"i... i should never..."

"no, you shouldn't have"

they both stood there

feeling pain

anger

confusion

and then

suddenly

his face changed

his eyes calmed

and he said the words

that changed her life

forever

"i forgive you

can we start over?"

never give up hope

i reached out for a brush, my arm flecked with paint--red, black, orange, yellow, purple, blue, green. i grasped it in the palm of my dirty hand, dipping it in one of the paint canisters and brushing it over the large, blank canvas. bold blue made a line, like a waterfall, down the middle. i washed the brush and looked around for another color. what next?

i heard the door slam, and i felt my heart fall. not yet. i wasn't ready. not yet. oh, please, not yet... why, why, why, why?! i had wished that this time would last forever, that they would just forget about me, and that i could just pretend that everything was going to be the same.

"sophia?"

i didn't turn around. i reached for another brush, another color--this time bright red--and smeared it on the canvas. it wasn't pretty. it seemed real.

"sophia?" her hand was on my shoulder.

"what." it came out as a hiss, showing my distain of their decision that i knew would come.

"you're... you're coming with me. your brother's going with your dad."

i stabbed my paintbrush into the water. "i'm not leaving jason."

mom sighed. "jason will be fine. your father will take care of him."

"i'm not leaving him," i repeated. "he's too young. he needs me. i'm the only mother he's got."

i knew that my words sent a blow like a sledgehammer, but i couldn't take them back, and i didn't want to.

"you don't have a choice." her voice was harsh. "the courts had decided. i have legal rights over you, and your father has legal rights over jason."

"well it's not fair!" i slammed my hand down on the table, tears coming to my eyes and falling down my cheeks so that my vision was blurry. i got up from the chair and stumbled towards the door of my workshop.

"sophia!" i heard mom's footsteps behind me.

i pushed the door opened and ran to the house. i could see jason--frail body, eyes large and scared--standing on the porch as dad loaded his things into the car.

"jason!" i ran towards him like i would die. my little brother's eyes widened even more when he saw me.

"sophia!" he rushed off the porch and into my arms. he didn't care that i was covered in paint. he usually cared. his sweatshirt was covered in it now. but i hugged him tighter.

"it's going to be ok," i whispered. "it's going to be ok."

"sophia!" mom grabbed at my shoulder.

"no!" shrieked jason, reaching for me.

our hands reached for each other, the fingers touching. then we were both yanked away by our opposite parents. i was held, against my will, sobbing, as my brother drove away, his face horrified in the back window of the car as they slowly drove out of sight.

"don't give up hope," i whispered. "never give up hope."

* * *

eight years later

"sophia."

i never thought i'd hear that voice again. never again. ever. i hadn't heard that voice in eight years. i hadn't heard that voice since it last shrieked that one word that i will forever remember--no. and now i was hearing it, here, in the hospital bed? was i dreaming? could this be true?

"sophia."

the voice. it was so familiar, yet... older. different. my eyes flickered. in front of me was a face that i didn't know, and yet seemed so... so... close.

"who... who are you?" my voice cracked as i asked the question.

"it's me." the boy, who looked about sixteen, took a deep breath. "it's jason."

memories, thoughts, feelings whirled at me so fast that my headache came back with a vengenance. i screamed, my eyes rolling back. i could see his little face, so scared, in the back window of dad's car, all those years ago. and now he was here, right before me, with the same terrified look on his face.

"sophia, please," he begged. "remember me."

i grabbed his hand. i never wanted to let go. i never wanted him to go away. "ja...jason," i whispered. "it's... i.... i can't believe..."

his face sagged in relief. "they told me what happened. how you got hit by that car."

i took a deep breath, and then nodded. "they don't know if i'll ever walk again."

he smiled wanly. "you will. i know you will."

"how... how did you get here?" i could stop myself from asking.

"we moved into the area," jason explained. "i convinced dad to take me to see you. mom... mom told us where you were." he looked at me hesitantly. "dad... dad said we could see each other every week. if you want to."

i nodded, tears in my eyes. "of course i do. i love you, little brother."

"i love you, too, sis," he whispered, tears streaming down his face.

and once again, i held him in my arms. and we were safe.

a little sad, fictional story for you \\ inspired by the picture

just feel your heart fall

your hopes are raised

feelings

thoughts

bubbling up inside of you

as you eagerly await it

it's coming closer

you're almost there

to this thing

that you have been

waiting for

all this time

you can't wait

you've been waiting

all this time

and now

it's finally

here

and you just

can't wait

as you hurry

to get to it

hurry to get

 everything else

done

so you can check it

and see what happened

and see if all your hopes

and dreams

and wishes

came true

and you do

and your face

reveals your excitement

bright and happy

eyes alight

mouth curved

as if too scared

to give a smile

but too happy

to keep it straight

and you're there

but suddenly

all your hopes

and dreams

and wishes

come crashing

to the ground

falling

in a heap

as you see

that everything you hoped

and dreamed

and wished

hadn't come true

it hadn't come out

like you had excepted

and you just felt

your heart fall

down

down

down

down into the dark abyss

of insecurity

fear

worry

frustration

you just can't

understand

but it's too late--

you just felt your heart fall

sometimes

our hopes

our dreams

our wishes

are too high

for what we wanted

for what we thought

and it pains us

as we walk down

a quiet dark place

tears falling down our cheeks

splashing on the ground

i curl up in a ball

hugging my knees

wondering

"where did i go wrong?"

"what did i ever do

to deserve this?"

it doesn't seem

fair

that others

get called

wonderful

beautiful

amazing

perfect

and that me

and everyone else

is left

in the dust

if they had done

the same thing i had just done

they would have been

called

wonderful

beautiful

amazing

perfect

but me?

i'm forgotten

ignored

people don't care

they don't care

that my heart

just fell

just feel your heart fall

we think it's the end of the

world

what we don't

know

is that there

is a life

out there

made just for us

there is a life

out there

that no one else

except us

can live

there are lives

that we will touch

that no one else

will never touch

there are people

out there

that no one else

except us

change help change

that are things

out there

that no one else

except us

can do

there is

and adventure

waiting

for all of us

each of our adventures

are different

we will each meet

different characters

and all of them

will react differently

to us

then to the next person

there is something

wonderful

beautiful

amazing

perfect

out there

and you know

what that is?

it's me

it's you

it's everyone

everyone

is special

and wonderful

and beautiful

and amazing

and, if they're following Christ,

they will

be made

perfect

pErFeCt

PeRfEcT

perfect

and no one else

can ever

ever

ever

ever

take that way from us

not unless

we let them

so why

are you letting them?

so why

am i letting them?

i feel my heart fall

but that doesn't mean

that Someone greater

Someone better

Someone more amazing

Someone more wonderful

Someone more beautiful

Someone more perfect

The Perfect

won't reach down

and pick me back

up again

friends again

you were here

and we were friends

and then suddenly

like a vapor

a mist

you were gone

i reached

but i couldn't grasp

your hand

and you were

gone

and i didn't know

where to find you

i tried

but i failed

i lived a long time

almost forgot

about you

you were gone so long

 i made new friends

found out new things

my life had gone on

life always does

it never waits

time must forever

be spinning

it doesn't stop

for those we care about

but then

something happened

a note

you left for me

saying you were back

and you were back

you were

really

truly

and i almost

couldn't believe

i was so

happy

to finally hear from you

hear your words

see your work

we were finally

friends again

dedicated to a friend

glad you're back

imagination

we smiled a smile that flew us high

we grasped each other's hands

through the clouds

hands brushing the stars

eyes sparkling brighter then any of them

hair flying wildly

we knew that one day

we'd be grown up

probably too old for this

this "childhood magic"

this amazingly wonderful

magically sweet

thing called

imagination

that let us fly with the stars

that let us shine like the sun

that let us rule kingdoms

and cross seas

that let us travel with Hobbits

and fly on Pegasus'

save a princess

and the give the prince some tips

that let us slay dragons

and fend off pirates

fly a sky ship

across a moonlit sky

we lived a thousand lives

and lived a thousand dreams

that made us smile

made us laugh

made us draw our swords

made us cry

made us sigh

made us never wish to come back

made us wish that we

best friends

could be together forever

my brown hair

her blonde

my green eyes

her brown

our smiles uplifted

our eyes hopeful

doing the things

that we could only dream of

reality

it settles in

and tears about the dreams

that we had as a child

and makes us realize

that none of those things

are ever going to come true

and that we were just little kids

who didn't have anything else better to do

and it makes you think

"why did i ever want to do that?"

even as you think about flying

high above the clouds

even as you think about

saving the day

or slaying the dragon

or riding in a sky ship

or teaching Peter Pan how to fly

realization

it comes later

it tells you

"yes"

"they are never going to come true"

"but that doesn't meant that imagination is bad"

"it just means that you need to use

your imagination for good"

i will never

ever ever ever

regain my childhood innocence

my greatest imagination

but this realization

has made me realize

that even though we'll get stares

even though people might think we're strange

it's OK to don a cape

and run down the sidewalk

it's OK

to write stories

about crazy things that could never happen

it's OK

to be silly

to have fun

to be with your friend

and again relive your childhood dreams

it's a million little things

it's that small smile. it's that small act of kindness. it's that comforting hug. it's that email that asks "hey, you ok?". it's that question about what's going on. it's that including spirit. it's that nod that lets you know that you're seen. it's that invite into the group. it's everything. sometimes it's the people that you least expect to see you that do see you, and do care for you, and do things that other people don't. sometimes the people that you think are the ones that you'll become closest to are the ones who you really didn't want to get to know at all. sometimes they're the ones who are actually the ones that'll just brush you off for whoever else who's "cool" who comes along. sometimes they're the ones who don't actually just care about you. sometimes the most unlikely people turn out to be the best, most loyal friends. don't exclude somebody just because you "don't think" they'll be the person that you'll be close to. don't just assume that people are the "perfect people" they pretend to be. sometimes you need to just let God guide you to the people who you need the most. <3

fire

fire
light
in the
night
sparks
floating
on the wind
landing
flashing
making
fire
a bright light
in the dark
piercing the
darkness
fire
it burns
it scars
it leaves
a memory
sometimes good
sometimes bad
but it always
leaves
something

fire
start a
fire
in your life
take control
of the flames
make sure
that there is
Someone
watching over them
so that they don't
fly out
of control
make sure your fire
is watched
but kept burning softly
it will
become
something
amazing

fire
to make a fire
in someone else's
heart
it something
that few people
can do
something
special
unique
beautiful
something
that can change
lives
that can break
lives
that can make
things better
that can make
things worse
carefully
these flames
need to be tended
so that they
don't fly
out of control
but simply kindle
making something
warm
bright
beautiful
amazing
special
unique
and changing
lives
for the better

fire
don't awake
the fires
that should be
left alone
but awake
the fires
that should have been
kindled
long ago
that have been
ash
for far to long
that haven't even been
started
when they should have been
begun
years ago
help others
to calm the fires
that should have been left
as ash
that should have been left
alone
that should have been left
untouched
and instead
kindle the fire
of Godly love
the fire
of kindness
the fire
of patience
the fires
of God
that should have always
been alight

fire
it can be
destructive
but it can also
save lives
it can ruin
a life
but kindle
a warmth
a fire
must be handled
carefully
it isn't a game
it could be a life
make sure
that you kindle
the ones
that were supposed
to be
and put out
the ones that
were not

fire
bright tendrils
reaching for the sky
like fingers
of the heart
wishing
thinking
dreaming
reaching
for something
that you think
might be there
for you

fire
let God
take care
of your fire
but also
be mindful of it
yourself
kindle
the good things
the pure things
that God
wants you to grow in
and your fire
will be a warming fire
a life-giving fire
a beautiful fire

have a beautiful fire in your heart <3

Blogger Blogs: Whole Backgrounds, Transparent Headers, and Links in Headers

The lovely and amazing Hannah from in Neverland, who I love and whose blog I love to pieces (I'm serious, she's awesome, if you don't follow her, go right ahead!!), and I are doing like a "code swap", sort of. She's going to be doing a post about doing a sticky sidebar (and, I believe, some other things) which I'll leave a link to when she gets around to it, and then I'm going to be covering several topics for her... and for you! :)

First off, we're going to cover... WHOLE BACKGROUNDS.

Like backgrounds covering the whole background instead of having a repeating picture?

Yeah.

First off, if you're just wanting a pattern, just make a seamless pattern and enter it as a background in your template editor. Yeah, easy peasy.

But otherwise? We're going to need to go code level. Oh yeah.

*WARNING WARNING*
This background only works with Ethereal Templates. Be warned.

We're going to have two sets of directions: 1. how to make the background and 2. how to apply it.

How to make your background:

I use Gimp, which is the easiest way. If you don't have GIMP installed, no sweat. Just find a picture that's around 1600x1100. I'll do a little mini tutorial for if you DO have GIMP. ;)

1. Click on the GIMP icon. (the silly little dog...)
2. Click on "file".
3. Click "new".
4. A window will pop up. Make the width "1600" and the height "1100".
5. Click the "advanced options" arrow.
6. Instead of "background color", switch it to "transparency".
7. Click "OK".
8. You'll have your transparent window pop up. This is where you're going to paste your background. Find a background, or make it, via anything you can, and bring it up on GIMP. Then copy it (on the "edit" tab) and paste it onto the transparent window.
9. Save your masterpiece.
10. Viola! Your background is done.

Now we get into the codes. Let's start the fun.

1. Log into your account and click on the blog you want to edit.
2. Click "new post".
3. Get the background that you made on GIMP or wherever into the post.
4. Right click, then click on "Open image in new window".
5. Grab the background's URL.
6. Get out of the post until you're on your blog's mini dashboard.
7. Go to "template".
8. Click "edit HTML". (or whatever... yeah)
9. See this? --> <b:skin>...<b:skin/>  Click the little arrow by it. If it's already opened, that's good. (if it is, it will instead say "<b:skin><![CDATA[/*")
10. Scroll down to this (it should be by the top):

background: $(body.background);

11. We're going to be using this code:

url(BACKGROUND URL HERE) no-repeat center fixed #FFFFFF

12. Replace "BACKGROUND URL HERE" with the URL of your background. An example of a completed code would be: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikR31pE66q4SDKmXAFF_GaxgABCbQKdi-l553B1fzq2jhsJEl0L28cg2QrvdMSnF7bfxmSrBykPd_kMJgVge9ljzZz38zTz20rpwHOquN_RBVceKTby3Tsjjm2dWUdWH4kLo5tqfqc29TU/s1600/roses.jpg) no-repeat center fixed #FFFFFF
13. Place the completed code (as said above) in the code as follows:

background: url(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikR31pE66q4SDKmXAFF_GaxgABCbQKdi-l553B1fzq2jhsJEl0L28cg2QrvdMSnF7bfxmSrBykPd_kMJgVge9ljzZz38zTz20rpwHOquN_RBVceKTby3Tsjjm2dWUdWH4kLo5tqfqc29TU/s1600/roses.jpg) no-repeat center fixed #FFFFFF;

So you delete the "$(body.background)" and instead put the code that we made. See? Really simple. :)
13. Click the "preview template" tab to make sure that it worked. If it didn't contact me! :)
14. Viola! You're finished. :)

Now, we're going to move on to... TRANSPARENT HEADERS.

This one's kinda fun. :)

The way I get transparent is from GIMP. They let you make a transparent background for a header or whatever. So you just make it on GIMP. Yeah. Really simple. I might warn that there's some weird thing going on between GIMP and blogger that sometimes makes the transparents act up or make white backgrounds appear to be a light gray instead of white. I don't know what this is. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don't, so you just have to work with it. I've found that sometimes it'll work if I add something onto the transparent header via PicMonkey. I have no idea why. Or if I make a transparent background with nothing on it, add a few things like maybe pictures on PicMonkey, and then add text again via GIMP. It's just a confusing mess that, as designers, we have to sort through.

Moving on...

LINKS IN HEADERS.

Oh my word, love this one, I actually couldn't believe I'd figured it out! :) I actually used a code that mostly everybody else uses for something else and applied it to this.

First off, most of you know the code for getting rid of margins, say, between the post title and date header:

h3.post-title { 

margin-top: -25px !important; 

}

I simply applied this simple CSS code to an HTML gadget with your words written in it. So like this:

#HTML3 {
margin-top: -100px !important;
margin-bottom: 100px !important;
}

The reason I added margin on the bottom is that then the rest of the blog won't come up as high as the words will. If I'm wanting to put the words into the header, I'm going to want to place the HTML gadget right underneath the header, so that I only have to do up and down and some minor left and right margin tweaking.

Most of the work comes from knowing what number your HTML gadget is. All HTML/Javascript gadgets on blogger have numbers. Above I used the example of "HTML3". Some people have a lot, so this gadget of yours might be like HTML18 for all we know. How do we find out what number it is to apply it? That's really easy. We name it. Name your HTML gadget, go into the HTML, then use the blogger search that our lovely new HTML has installed, and randomly click on one of the HTML gadgets that they have there. All of them have a "name ' '" thing, but not all of them have names. If yours did, it would be like "name 'wow'". So that's how you would know what number that was.

This all sounds a little confusing, but once you get the hang of it, it won't be. If you have any questions about anything I'm saying, I'll try and help to make it more simple for you. It doesn't mean you're bad, it just means that you don't understand yet.

So, we've got our HTML gadget underneath the header, we know what number it is (let's say it's HTML1 for comfort), so how do we get it up into the header? I'll do it really easy for you.

1. Go to template.
2. Click customize.
3. Go to CSS.
4. Paste this code:

HTML1 {
margin-top: -100px !important;
margin-bottom: 100px !important;
}

5. Adjust the code as necessary. If it's not high enough, then change the numbers (100) around until the words are exactly where you want them to be.
6. Save template.
7. Viola! :)

Again, if you have any questions, just ask! :)

Until another day, until another post,
Anna

alone

alone
am i
alone?
does anyone else
feel this pain?
does anyone else
understand?
or am i
alone?
like i
thought?
i walk
feeling
empty
feeling
scared
feeling
alone
is there
anyone else?
or am i truly
truly
truly
alone?

alone
i yell
i scream
i cry
i collapse
i hide
i wonder
wonder if
i'm alone
or if
there are others
who have felt
this pain
this despair
this fear
this anguish
am i
alone?

alone
i wander
feeling lost
wondering if
somewhere else
there is a person
who feels
as i do
as i have
as i will
and wonder
if i am truly
truly
truly
alone
or if
i have just not found
another person
here
who feels
like i do
who understands
what i feel
what creeps up on me
and scares me
what makes me feel
so
so
so
alone

alone
"you don't
have to be
alone"
says a voice
but where
does it come from?
i don't know
i am alone
there is no one here
or is there?
i don't know
i am alone
i am scared
i am by myself
i wander
where are others?
i don't know
i'm alone
"I am here"
says a voice
strong
caring
loving
and i just want
to fall into
Their embrace
and i do
and i find
that i am no longer alone
there is Someone
who knows what i feel
who watches me
cries with me
cares for me
and once
died for me
They will always
always
always
be with me
so that now?
i know

i am never alone

trees

PHOTOS BY ME

trees
stand
tall
proud
they have
a lesson
to teach us
what do the say?
whether you are
tall
or
short
you should
stand tall
reach
don't be afraid
to show your
true self
though it might need
trimming
or changing
it won't begin
unless
you start it
by showing
who you really
are
stand tall
reach down deeply
with your roots
enjoy
your natural beauty
don't be envious
of others
of flowers
or stars
the sky
the clouds
you have
your own beauty
though you might tower
though you might cower
you are beautiful
so stand tall
reach
show your
true self

trees
everyone
in a way
is a tree
though sometimes
we droop
under the weight
of the world
all we need
is a little Sun
a little of that Person's love
that One above
and we'll flourish
reaching towards the sky
proudly
beautifully
amazingly
perfectly
so stand tall
show your true self
it might need
to change
but don't be afraid
there's Someone
here to help
stand tall
you are beautiful
people might say
things that hurt
but they aren't true
they don't matter
you are
beautiful
you are
amazing
perfect
just the way
you are

trees
they have
such an amazing
story to tell all of us
their rings
have stories
what would they say
if they could speak?
i think
they would have tales
of good things
bad things
things that happened
so many years ago
and how, maybe
they thought
quietly
to themselves
"if only
they stood tall
and they trusted
in the One above"
so stand tall
and trust
you are beautiful
don't ever doubt
there is Someone
watching out
for you
you are
beautiful
amazing
perfect
don't listen
to lies
listen to
the truth
you are
beautiful

SIMPLE BEAUTY \ TREES

black and white

black
white
dark
light
opposite
different
perfect
beautiful
unique
stark
contrast
light
dark
dark
light
black
white

one is black
one is white
together
they make
something
totally different
unique
beautiful
special
you are black
i am white
we are contrast
but together
we make
something
different
beautiful
unique

black
white
dark
light
contrast
opposite
different
unique
something special
i'm black
God's white
stark difference
we can change
from black
to white
our sins
cleared
turned to
snow
we are black
He is white

black
white
dark
light
different
things
they mean
so many things
what
do they mean
to you?
stark difference
contrast
so special
beautiful
opposite
unique
amazing
black
white
dark
light

black and white
what a sight <3

SIMPLE BEAUTY \ BLACK AND WHITE

leaves

leaves
lines
crossing
intersecting
different stories
all of them
holding them
whispering them
on the treetops
quietly
to those
will are willing
to sit still
and simply
listen

leaves
fly
off the trees
through the air
on the wind
across the waters
flying
towards
someone
on the opposite
shore
quietly
to those
who are willing
to sit still
and simply
listen

leaves
there is a simple beauty
that is often missed
especially
by me
there is something about them
free
magical
amazing
something that God
wanted for us to see
if only
we had the
eyes
the quiet
the willingness
to just
stop
and listen
and watch
and see
what they had to tell us

what do they tell us?
hold
wait
be silent
listen to others
fly free
be yourself
listen to others
listen to God
leaves
they have a lesson
one for all
if only we
are willing to
listen

SIMPLE BEAUTY \ LEAVES

What I Want to Do

i've heard it.

time and time again.

"post what you want to"

what if they don't want to hear it?

what if the "real you" is rejected?

i guess it just doesn't matter then.

because here it comes.

the real me.

what i want to post.

inspirational.
poems that spill out.
updates on what's happening.
probably not contests at the moment.
whatever i want.

it sounds so freeing.

but can it be true?

My Castle in the Sand

Dear Readers,

Yesterday I got to go to a beach. It was so much fun. We played catch with a football in the water, monkey in the middle, then catch again. Then we got out of the water and made the biggest sandcastle/wall/moat thing EVER. It was awesome.

(no joke. It was so awesome that this lady and guy were taking pictures by it. And taking pictures of it. Let's just say my friend wouldn't have been very happy if they'd gone and put it on facebook and said that THEY'D made it...)

It was fun making the castle. I first made this moat (at the direction of my friend--he's a serious builder on some things...), which took a little bit. (yeah, and it kept on taking the sand off the side and putting it in the middle... oh well... =P) Afterwards, I went and helped to finish the castle. It was amazing. My friend working on that, she's a real perfectionist. I'm more of a "it's good enough let's go" person, but she made me slow down and help her. (mostly because she promised she'd bury in the sand afterwards--what??--even though she didn't end up doing it...)

By the time we'd finished doing it, I couldn't help but think that the castle, the moat, and the huge walls looked amazing, despite the fact that we didn't even have a bucket or shovel between all of us. We just had the wet sand, our hands, and some wood for evening out some parapets on the castle. (I'm telling you, that thing was advanced!!)

It was amazing. :)

Have you ever made a sand castle? Do you like making sand castles? What's your favorite part about the beach? Are you a perfectionist, or more like me, more laid-back?

Talk to you all later. :)

Love,
Anna

Probably Not the Best Choice... But Still

Dear Readers,

Remember how I said I had a cold yesterday? (wait, that was... a few days ago... anyway, anybody remember Road to Avonlea??) Yeah, well... I still had it yesterday. I wasn't feeling that great yesterday morning. Still, I decided to go to a youth group. And... I kind of forgot I had a cold. And, besides, I was feeling a lot better.

That doesn't mean I should've run like crazy for like two hours or more playing games though, right?

Oh.

Oops. =P

Well, I definitely wasn't on the top of my game (not to mention that it is extremely hard at night to catch a black frisbee.... like where on earth is the stupid thing?!?!) but I tried. (nope, I didn't elbow anybody. Or even accidently hug tackle my close friend. I just got into a slight friendly fake tug of war with the frisbee which I won. :D)


I just got a little bit, probably, too tired. Let's just say that towards the end of the evening, I wasn't sure, for a little bit, if I was going to puke up my guts or pass out for lack of oxygen. (that reminds me... I should tell you guys my "almost pass out" story. =P) Which I attribute to my cold, because usually I don't get that bad. (just... like Gimli panting. ;D)

Before that we played kickball. I actually did pretty good, considering it doesn't matter how good, fast, or whatever you are, you can still get out just because somebody kicks the ball right to the person who's guarding the base that you need to get you. (I assure you, I tried to avoid doing this to other people. Other people doing that for me? Not so much. I only made it back to home base twice after like an hour and probably over an hour. =P) It made me feel a little better, though, that one of my really good friends who's a jock at like everything athletic kept on getting out just because of where the ball is. (and she's like a speedy.... so yeah.... I felt better ;D)

So... if you had to pick, would you rather play kickball or ultimate frisbee?

Me?

Oh, OK. I guess I'll answer for you. :)

I would rather play...

NEITHER!

Give me the football and let's play ultimate football!! Whoohoo!!

Either that or volleyball. haha =D

Talk to ya'll later!! :)

Love,
Anna

a hero//my real name

i'm trying

am i failing?

i reach forward

for the lost

try to be a hero

am i failing?

i don't know

i want to be

what i'm supposed to be

a hero

someone who saves others

who goes the extra mile

and does what's asks

does what's right

even when nobody else won't

a hero

running forward

grabbing the torch

sacrificing yourself

saving others

helping the lost

a hero

it doesn't matter what happens to you

you don't care

you're selfless

only the others matter

help them

save them

a hero

that's what i'm trying to be

but am i?

am i working hard enough?

i can't do it on my own

there's Another out there

Someone who watches over me

only He can help me

become what i'm supposed to be

a hero

Hello.

You have known me for about a year as a person named Storyteller.

A person shrouded in mystery.

A person without a face.

A person without a name.

And now, you will know that name.

My name is Anna.

I'm striving to be a hero.

Are you a hero?

Thanks to each and every one of you. You are amazing. <3

God bless.

Love,

Anna

Change//Random

Dear Readers,

cold+blogging+Road to Avonlea+reading=lovely day, despite the cold that includes the stuffy nose and tickle in the back of the throat

Sometimes change is scary, isn't it? Sometimes it's scary to change. But we shouldn't be scared, if that's the path that God's leading us on.

enjoying pinterest//praying for my cold to go away//can't wait to reveal my name//hopefully longer posts coming soon

Love,
Me

You're Amazing

Dear Readers,

Ah, why do I feel this way? Sometimes discontentment gets hold of me. But why should it? I have made amazing friends on blogger. You are amazing. Just knowing that you're there... it's amazing. I don't know if we're the closest or not, but I feel like I know each and every one of you, like I could recognize you walking down the street. You're my friends. I love all of you.

I hope sometime, here on earth, though I would love just as much to meet you in Heaven, at least, it would be very awesome if, maybe, some time in the very far future, we could all meet together, talk about God under the stars, have a campfire and cook smores, write stories together in old notebooks with pens about to run out of ink. To have LOTR marathons and spill popcorn on the carpet. Run a mile and die together trying. You know. Just be... friends.

I don't want our friendships to ever end. I love you guys so much. <3

Love,
Me

what i forgot//and more

what i forgot:

thoughts journal//list of post ideas//nothing else, thank goodness

leaving for something...

it makes me scared i'm going to forget something

and usually i do

things that i thought i wouldn't need

or i hadn't even thought of

why does this stuff have to happen to me?

i don't know

it just does

does that happen to you?

looking forward to revealing my name//new blog design//so much more

farewell

thanks for reading <3

Auditioning for a Movie

Dear Readers,

I don't know if I ever told you this, but once I got the chance to go and audition for being an extra in a movie. I ended up not doing it, though, because we found out, as we were auditioning, that the movie actually wasn't that great.

BUT.

The experience of getting to go was really awesome! Even though we had to wait for FOREVER. lol In line to get to find out everything, of course. Since were just extras, we didn't have to read a script. If we'd wanted a small speaking part, we would've had to go and read for it, but since we didn't like the movie, we obviously didn't.

But, anyway, being an extra in a movie just sounds awesome, so I thought that I'd go and walk you through what happened to me that day. Sound good? :)

I've been in lots of plays--like, LOTS--so we made a small resume having them on it, just in case. (you never know) I was freaked out about what I should wear (because I'm totally not a fashion person) but I finally picked out something that was both nice and comfortable, so that I wouldn't always be like itching myself in some uncomfortable clothes the whole time.

They were having the auditions at a local restaurant. The reason that we even had the chance to audition is that the people making the movie wanted to have locals actually play the extras. So we got there, and the whole parking lot was FULL of cars. We got into the already long line and waited for what seemed like forever. We ended up talking to this lady and found out that she'd already been an extra in a movie that had been filmed locally. (you have must undoubtedly seen this movie, but I won't mention what it is for the sake of my location)

We finally got inside and all sat at this table, where we sat for about an hour, just talking with ourselves and the other extras we were paired with. Then we were called upstairs, where we filled out an information form. We waited in there for less then downstairs, and then we were called into the other room. They had two guys with dry erase boards and dry erase markers. They asked you your name, wrote it down (I had to correct the guy--he got my last name wrong =P) and put a number beneath it. Then you walked over to one of the guys with a camera and they took your picture.

Then we all sat down at these tables with a whole bunch of other people who wanted to be extras. They told us about the movie, and we got introduced to the director. Then we were released.

Overall, it was a fun experience. :)

Have you ever been or had the opportunity to be an extra in a movie?

~Storyteller