Merry Christmas

via

it's that time of year again

the time when we

celebrate Christ's birth

Merry Christmas

sometimes you just don't know how to feel

it's like you're so close to it

and yet so far away

you should feel something

but you don't

you just feel normal

you should feel something

you should feel

fear

or

anxiety

but you don't

sometimes

you just don't

know how to

feel

goodbye, autumn

via

“Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile.” - William Cullen Bryant

the year’s winding down, and as it does, i realize that now autumn is almost over; in my heart, it already is, for snow is on the ground. and yet the world says it does not end until december 21. for me, it rather ended at the beginning of december. autumn; the year’s last, loveliest smile. comes quickly, and now gone.

like a shadow

like a wraith

here one moment

gone the next

one little smile

one little wink

then flying off

into the sky

autumn

goodbye, autumn

have you ever wondered?

have you ever been in a car and stopped at a red light in a city, where cars are on both of your sides? have you ever looked through your window and seen the people in their cars, and wondered what was going on in their life? where they were going? who they were? what they did? what their dreams and their hopes for the future were? have you ever looked at someone and wondered, what's it like to be them? have you ever thought that maybe somebody wanted to be you, but you think that your life's sometimes just a mess and you can't imagine why anybody would ever want to be you? have you ever stopped and wondered what other people are going through right now? have you ever thought that maybe that smile and nod and laugh is really hiding something that's eating them up inside? have you ever wondered?

away from the city

via

"i need to get away," she whispered, staring out the window. "i just need to get away."

the noise was too much. the people were too much. the buildings, scraping the sky, were too much. it was claustrophic. it was scary. it was too much. she just needed to get away. away from the noise, away from the people, away from the buildings that crowded out the sky - away from the city.

|| sometimes we just need to get away ||

a little clean up

via

have you ever felt like everything was just too... cluttered? that's what i was feeling like with this blog. like it was cluttered. and closed. i like simple and open. i think it more reflects what i write, what i've written, and what i want to and am going to write in the future. you know what i mean? i felt like too much was reflected on how the blog looked instead of what this blog said. i think all blogs should reflect what you want to say and everything, but sometimes a design can distract, in my personal opinion, from what it's all about.

anyway, so that's a little explanation about why i changed the design so soon. i needed less clutter. i needed more open. i might change it again. who knows? i can be rather crazy. but for now, this is good. i can do this. this is what i want. simple. open.

feel your heart open

close your eyes

lift your face

to the sun

feel everything

fly away

on the wings

of the breeze

that blows

through the trees

and let your hair

fly away from your face

and your worries be

carried far away

until everything

is gone

and there is only

peace

and

freedom

|| peace and freedom. everything's clean. everything's gone. you're free. let your spirit soar in God's peace.

wild

"We are all wild at heart"

it's not all 

in the same way

but it's true

 there's something

wild

in each of us

don't let it

take control

of you

let it work

for the One

who is

the Lion of Judah

the waves are free

have you ever
just looked
at the waves
and thought
what is it like
to be so free?

light up their hearts

via

i stand on the roof

and stared out

the lights twinkling

i close my eyes

cities full of empty people

"not anymore," i whisper

i was going

to light up their hearts

you can make a difference.

lift your hands to the sky,

anna

why?

have you ever
just stopped
and wondered
why?

danger

Danger:(n.) the possibility of suffering harm or injury.

i could smell it in the air

and see it in the skies

danger

i turned and ran

november

snow flakes falling.

cold winter air.

red noses and hands.

breath looking like a dragon's.

warm, thick socks.

warming hands on cocoa.

november.

my winter's about to start.

take a deep breath and smile,

anna

try again

i stared down at my hands, letting out a shaky breath. the words wouldn't leave me alone, repeating themselves over and over in my head.

"i'm sorry, you haven't been accepted. you're not good enough."

tears came to my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. what was i going to do now? this was all i'd ever known. this was all i was good at. there was no other future for me. my family was gone. i didn't have any friends. i had no place to go. this had been everything that my life had been. and now it was gone. there was no purpose. i was done.

forever.

my dream.... why did it have to be shattered? why did it have to all come tumbling down? i leaned heavily against the building, wishing that today had never happened. wishing that i could go back to that morning, when i had been so hopeful and happy. i wished i could just stay there, and not have to come back to the present--ever. this pain was too much to bear.

"you're hopeless. you'll never make a living out of this. face it--you stink."

i cringed at the thought of the words. why did this have to happen? why?

i turned and walked down the street, my hands in my pockets. i didn't stop until i reached the park on the edge of the bay. i gripped the railings so hard my knuckles turned white. the wind brushed my hair away from my face and dried my tears.

my life was over. there was nothing more here for me.

"no," i whispered. "NO!"

i stared up at the sky. clouds threatened to pour rain. i didn't care. i didn't care if anyone was watching me. i stared up at the sky.'

"God," i started, "you say in your word that you have a plan for me, not to harm me, but to give me a hope and a future. i thought this WAS my hope and my future. so what now? what do i do next? God, i need You. i need help."

that's when i felt it. the despair left me. and a new thought came.

that one person might have said i was worthless. they might have said that i wouldn't amount to anything. but that didn't mean i had to give up. i would practice harder. i would do better. i would come back, and i would do it--i would become a writer, just like i'd always been. and nobody was going to throw that dream away from me. it would be hard, yes, and it would hurt. it would be hard to have to start all over and write better, more beautifully. but i would try and try and try, and try again. i would try until there was another vision that i was given by God.

"i'm not giving up," i whispered. i glanced up at the sky and smiled. "thanks."

let them make you stronger

it's alright
their words
they aren't true
don't let them
break you down
let them make you
stronger

eight word story

fearful,

she

had

courage

and

became

a

legend

it has no power

too long i've let it have power

let it run my life

let it run me over

let it drive me to wit's end

let it ruin my days

but no longer

too long have i looked at others

and felt a pain

like i have to be

everything at they are

that i have to be

everything that everyone loves

but no longer

too long have i felt bad

and wished i were them

and wished that those people

had me up there

on that inspired pedestal

but no longer

i'm free

i don't have to be

anything that they are

people care

people make me smile

people make me life

leave me notes

say kind words

they don't care

so why should i?

i'm no one else

i'm just myself

and guess what?

that's the best person to be

that jealousy

it has no power

no longer

Dedicated to God, who helped me

And my friends, who helped me, too

thank you

thanks so much to everyone who's been praying or who's prayed for me before. thanks so much to everyone for their kind words. thanks so much to everyone for just being my friend. i would apologize for the last post, but i really.... you guys are my friends, you know? and i want to be able to tell my friends anything. (well, not quite everything. but at least get some help, you know?) this is a strange battle i'm fighting. most people will never have to fight it. but those prayers come as extra warriors and help me. and you know what?

i'm feeling better.

(seriously.)

i don't know if tomorrow i'm going to go into another guilt war or what, but right now? i'm doing good. God's helping me. my friends and family are helping me. you're helping me. and at this time, i'm trying to be positive; happy; bright.

yesterday, i was listening to the piano guys (i think it was) and i was blogging at the same time, and i just found myself humming along, happily. i found myself feeling free and a big smile came onto my face. that's what i want. i want to have happiness again. i felt like i haven't truly laughed for a decade or something. (don't worry, i have...) or felt happy. or free. but there was also someone (two or three someones, actually) who made me laugh. pretty hard. it was nice. :)

so just thanks.

God bless you guys.

you're all more amazing then you'll ever know,

anna

things i've done

"I am a terrible, terrible faun." "Oh, no, you're the nicest faun I've ever met." "Then I'm afraid you've had a very poor sampling." "Whatever you've done, I'm sure it's not that bad." "It's not something that I've done, Lucy Pevensie; it's something I'm doing." "What... what are you doing?" "I'm kidnapping you." ~Tumnus the Faun and Lucy Pevensie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

but in my case, it is something i've done. things i've done. and sometimes it's hard to let go how horrible you've been; to accept that you can still live, just change. and i am changed. i am so different then i used to be. one thing i do know: i am much, much more sensitive to how i am towards other people. i suppose this could be a good thing, but sometimes it's not. sometimes it's like obsessive, and i feel like i'd rather just have it all over with and start with a clean slate already.

"i can't take this anymore. i just can't take this anymore!"

words help, more then anything. they're my swords that battle my confusing feelings that threaten to make me guilty for the rest of my life. God helps me the most, but He uses your words and others' to help me.... to help me stay.

please just pray for me. <3

some times are better then others, but then i'm attacked again...

bad memories

i'm the only one who's bringing it back, again and again. just go away, bad memories. why do you keep on haunting me? God, help me. push them away. i don't want them. that's not me anymore.

help.

Memory:(n.) something remembered from the past; a recollection.

i don't want to remember. 

should i do a linkup?

i was thinking... do you guys think i should do a linkup? i'm not sure. what would it be about? a pictures linkup? if you guys would want it, i would want to know if you guys would actually do it or not, because for me, linkups take a little bit.

tell me your thoughts. they're precious. <3

+thoughts+

+things+

+linkups+

take a little breath of fresh air,

anna

lost

Lost:(adj.) unable to find one's way; unable to be found.

Look up into the stars and get lost. 

"i'm coming, you ready?"

let's grab a cab

and go somewhere

the snow falling

on the windshield

as if bringing

memories of old

right to my doorstep

reminding me

of things i've done

things i'm planning

things i wanted to do

but didn't

but it's alright

it's okay

they're fading away

again

even the good ones

but that's okay

they're behind me

i'm going on an adventure

through the snow

in a cab

i've got great things

ahead of me

i don't think

about what's behind

i have a future

before me

and that's

all that matters

now

the past is gone

the future is before me

why live in the past

when we can't

change it?

why not

change

the future?

why not

make a difference

instead of wallowing

in the things

of the past?

that makes

much more sense

i think

as i sit

in the cab

the snow falling

with a smile

on my face

i'm not

going to think

of the things

of the past

with a dread

i'm going to look

to the things of the future

with a smile

and a little whisper

that says,

"i'm coming"

"you ready?"

broken

i was a broken person. i had aged. i no longer felt like myself. i had flown away to some great heights, leaving me here to deal with everything dragging me down, deeper and deeper. i was in the rain, and i could not feel the water. i was in the rain, and all i heard was the storm.

i was no longer free. someone had chained me. they could not be broken. i was in despair. i cried out in pain, wanting to get away, but i could not. i was stuck here forever, i realized. i would never escape. my life was forever misery.

Broken:(adj.) having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order; rejected, defeated, or despairing.

 +i was broken, but not anymore+

the One reached down and picked me up, assembled me into someone new and different then before. am i stronger? i think so. time will tell. i am no longer broken.

gratitude

Gratitude: Take nothing for granted. Even a rock will eventually surrender to the sea and love can slip away like sand through fingers. - Michael Faudet

 i live in a beautiful house on beautiful land and have a beautiful family and beautiful friends.

discontent comes, and sometimes i wonder. it's so silly.

don't take anything for granted.

nostalgia

Nostalgia:(n.) a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

 I want to go back.

But I can't, ever.

pathways + choices + ways to go

i lay back

in the sunlight

basking in the glow

smiling up

at the sky

so big and blue

so full of possibilities

i smile

and know

that there

are a thousand pathways

a thousand choices

a thousand ways to go

and all i had to do

was go

there are so many decisions in life. i always get scared about which way to go. i suppose i shouldn't freak out so much. there's One who's watching out for me. i should, instead, see it as an adventure. there's so many places to go.

where do you want to go?

+trust+

+don't be afraid+

+choices to make+

trusting,

anna

be a voice not an echo

everything is so loud and crazy out there.

i keep on getting lost. it's scary out there. it's like a forest where there's no sunlight.

i find myself walking behind everyone else. i find myself following everyone else. i find myself copying everyone else.

i have ideas. but i'm too scared. i'm afraid that people won't like them. i'm afraid of what people will say.

they're buried. deep down. they're forgotten. i push them away. i don't want to see them.

"be like us," they say.

"i want to," i say.

i follow.

i don't let my ideas come out.

i am not a voice.

i am an echo.

i walk among the trees.

they are quiet, silent; they rise up to the skies, but their roots are in the ground, deep down here with me.

and that's where it comes.

"i have an idea."

i push it away. i don't want to see them.

but there's another voice, and it breaks through the subdued silence that i have become. it is my true voice, one that i have pushed away, again and again, with every other idea that was ever hidden with my fear.

it speaks.

it whispers.

it says,

"speak out.

share your ideas.

be your own voice.

don't be an echo."

i am not a voice.

i am an echo.

i'm scared.

i run through the forest. i don't look back. my eyes are blinded. with what?

tears.

i run harder.

the voice is still here. and suddenly, i've stopped. i'm not scared. i'm tired; tired of running away, tired of hiding, tired of burying every hope and dream i ever had deep down inside of myself, never to see the light of day.

and so i stand.

tall.

proud.

smiling.

and suddenly it's all gone. all the fear is washed away. everything about me that whispered "echo" on the night wind has been blown away by itself.

and so i stand.

and i say,

"i am a voice.

i am not an echo."

i went off.

i took a book.

i took a pen.

 i wrote words.

i gave the words.

i made a smile.

+be a voice, not an echo+

take courage, dear heart,

anna

|| i was an echo. but not anymore.

let's string a thousand lights

let's string a thousand lights

on every little house

that a yell has been heard from

that an angry word has been said

let's string a thousand lights

and maybe with a little light

and a lot of love

everything might feel

just a little bit

brighter

just a little bit

happier

and just a little bit

better

let's string a thousand lights

on the government's gate

in hope that they

would somehow see

the big plan that God

really wants to happen

in hope that they

themselves

can be saved

in His unending grace

so that they

would help to lead us

in the way

of the King of Kings

and the Lord of Lords

the Lion of Judah

let's string a thousand lights

on the evergreen tree

that tall one

that reaches up to the sky

let's hang some tinsel

and maybe a few porcelain ornaments

of beautiful red

and purple

and green

and blue

and silver

and gold

and on the top

let's put a star

shining like the sun

leading us

to the One

who has a plan

for each and every one of us

let's string a thousand lights

let's light a thousand candles

let's give a thousand hopes

to a thousand lost peoples

let's string a thousand lights

i will soar

i will soar on wings like eagles

i will fly high above the earth

i will be freed of this sin

that that is weighing me down

and dragging me back to earth

i will fly

free

and i will discover

that flying

is so much better

then falling

i will soar on wings like eagles

i will be rid of everything that worries my heart

i will lift my arms

and soar

i with close my eyes

and laugh

for the bliss of simply being

free

i keep on thinking of bad things i've done in the past, and i feel sick. i keep on thinking of things that i've done before, when i hadn't realized they were bad. i keep on thinking of things past that i can't help, but they still make me feel as horrible as if i'd done them on purpose. it's good to confess. but now, more then ever, i'm beginning to understand that song by third day that goes "i will soar on wings like eagles." when we lift up what's going on in our lives to God, suddenly everything seems to fall away and our hearts, spirits, and minds can feel like they're soaring freely across the sky. i don't want to forget that feeling. i wish that feeling could always be mine. i'm getting better had just facing the truth and not letting myself get battered by myself. it's easier to know that God's there every step of the way, just waiting to let me soar on wings like eagles. <3

+let's soar+

+close your eyes+

+free+

suddenly feeling free,

anna

|| i will soar on wings like eagles.

let's eat some cereal together

i smiled. she giggled. milk dripped off my spoon and plopped back into my bowl. her elbow bumped the table, spilling milk on the old wooden table. she gives me a guilty look, but i only smile and reach over, wiping it up with a napkin. she gives me a toothy grin. i give her a wink. she giggles, and slurps milk and cereal into her mouth. i grin, watching her, her little golden curls bouncing with her every movement. we were separated by ten years. i was the oldest, she was the youngest. but it didn't matter. we were sisters. she looked up to me like a mother. i looked up to her like a friend. in her simplest, child-like manner, she would say things that would make so much sense, and make me wonder why i hadn't thought that before. i could be a horrible mess of a crying wreck, and she would simply slip her small hand into mine, so warm, so tiny, so precious. her large eyes would look up at me and she'd whisper, "you ok?" and i'd wipe away the tears and nod, smiling down at her little face. she made days bearable for me. she gave me that smile i needed. she gave me that encouragement to reach the last mile. she might've only been give years old, but she was wiser then someone who was five hundred years old. i would forever love my little sister. she saw the simple things that i often forgot. she saved me from the silliest things. she lifted my hopes and brightened my days. she was my little sunshine.

i can still remember the words she said as i came down the stairs that morning, my face puffy from crying from the night before. she didn't know, or need to know, about the yelling that had gone on. she didn't need to know about the horrible words screamed at me, the same words that i screamed back. she didn't need to know anything other then that i was her sister, and that we loved each other. she just came up to me with her innocence. her beautiful big eyes stared up at me as she whispered the so simple words. the simple words that suddenly brightened my day and made everything better.

"let's eat some cereal together."

normal

i stared at the sunlight coming in from the window and i couldn't help but think:

what's it like to feel normal?

i'd forgotten; it didn't seem like that long ago. but i suppose it was. i suppose it was awhile ago when there wasn't a knot in my stomach. i suppose it was awhile ago when i felt fine about everything. i suppose it was awhile ago when i felt happy. i suppose it was awhile ago when i felt like everything was just perfect, ordinary...

normal.

i thought about lying down on the floor. i thought about staring up and out of the window, the sunlight laying on me and basking me in its glory. i thought about how that might make me feel. i thought. and i thought that maybe, just maybe, in that one moment, in that moment of ecstasy as the sun bathed me in a golden glow, the knot might slip away and everything would suddenly feel beautifully normal.

that's when i turned.

and walked away.

+i'm normal now+

+are you going to lie, or walk away?+

+make a choice+

lovely days are coming soon,

anna

|| be still, beating heart.

+loving+

loving

pinning like crazy

being mentioned on this amazingly awesome blog <3

my friends

the reactions to this

mandisa's new song

going to church and being with other Christians <3

volleyball

having some free time to work on designs for my own blogs

rose colors

you guys <3 (always)

living

what are you loving?

if you're not loving anything at the moment, slow down, breath deep, go for a walk, and realize the beauty that's all around you right at your fingertips that we often look over and forget. there's beauty everywhere. just remember that.

look around with eyes open wide,

anna

i have this thing

i have this thing. every time i do something bad that sometimes is out of my control to fix, something that's rather really bad, i get this feeling. like i'm going to puke. like i can't live with that thought. i hate this feeling. it sneaks up on me. it attacks me most when i don't even mean to do something. that's when it hits. when i don't mean to do something bad, but i do, and it's bad, and people talk about it. and i just want to sit in a hole and cry.

sometimes, this can be good. it makes me see things that are bad and it makes me change. but i think that part of it is bad. instead of changing and moving on, it forces me to stay stuck in that horrible moment, running myself into the ground. that's not good. that's not what God wants for me. He has great things for me. i wasn't meant to drive myself into the ground. that's when We have to fight. that's when God helps me, and i push through that feeling. that's when i sing songs and recite verses to get that feeling away. and suddenly i feel... free. i realize that, yes, i mess up, but God forgives me. i don't have to hide. i don't have to puke. i don't have to feel like the worst person on earth. God loves me. He knows that i make mistakes. but He will still love me, whatever happens.

+you might do something bad, but don't worry, it's not the end+

+God loves you forever+

+God's always there+

loving,

anna

i can't be anybody else

i can't be anybody else

nobody else but me

i can't be you

i can't be her

i can't be anybody

anybody else

other then me

i can try

i can strive

but guess what?

it's just not

going to work

i try

but i fail

every

single

time

and you know?

because i'm

not

them

i'm me

uniquely

amazing

me

people might say

that i'm horrible

people might say

that i'm amazing

but that doesn't mean

that i should

try

to be someone

else

just because

there's something

that everybody

loves

about them

just because

people that you care about

and are friends with

like somebody else

doesn't mean

that they don't

like you

doesn't mean

that you have to

suddenly

be like them

be yourself

if they don't like you

that's their problem

that doesn't

mean

that you go off

and be

mean

rude

horrible

selfish

but to some extent

you just need

to be

purely

yourself

i can't be anybody else

so i'm to be myself <3

i'm going to miss you

i'm going to miss you. yes, i'm going awhile for awhile. don't worry, there's some posts that have been planned out, so that you'll still hear from me, about once a week, i believe. i'm taking a little break. focusing more on some things that i tend to neglect. getting some really good time in with people that i care about. trying to get some things sorted out in my life. you know. all the usual things that could tear a person away from their lovely friends on blogger.

i'll miss you guys. i promise, if i don't die, or something out of the ordinary, that i'll start posting again in october. but don't worry, dear heart. posts will be coming. just scheduled. oh, how sad that sounds. you won't be really speaking to me now, but speaking to a person who scrambled together posts for a whole month and more in one whole day. but that's alright, right?

+i'll miss you+

+hope you miss me+

+hopefully see you soon+

live a lovely life for the One,

anna

let's blow some magic

let's blow some magic

let's take some

and put it in our hands

and blow a little air

and watch them swirl

to the ground

like a thousand

happy thoughts

and wishes

let's blow some magic

blow it all around

let it fall on people

make them smile

make them laugh

make them remember

their dreams

their wishes

the things

that they tried

to forget

but that they really

needed to remember

let's blow some magic

let's let it fly

let's let it reach

and touch the sky

let's let it fall

back down on us

let's hope that with a smile

it'll help remind us

of our dreams

of our wishes

of the things

we tried to forget

but that we really

needed to remember

let's blow some magic

*blow*

see the magic fly

i want to be me

i want to fly. i want to soar. i want to paint the sky. i want to inspire. i want to smile. i want to laugh. i want to be free. i want to be brave. i want to be a hero. i want to be courageous. i want to love. i want to cry. i want to run. i want to be an adventurer. i want to try new things. i want to go to new places. i want to live for the One who created me. i want to give up the things that i need to, but have been holding onto. i want to give. i want to flee. i want to sob. i want to fly, fly, fly away, up into the sky, away from my troubles and worries.

i want to be me.

i sometimes... i sometimes feel like i'm on show. like i can't be myself around people. like i have to work so so so hard just to get them to like me. i can't even be a fraction of myself. if i could just be myself, i would probably be what i'm striving for. but i have to try so hard. i don't want to lose them. i don't want them to go away. i'm afraid that if i lose them, i'll be all alone. i don't want to be the outsider. i don't want to be the person that nobody talks to. i don't want to have to work at this. i just want to be myself.

i want a best friend.

i have amazing friends, some of the coolest and most amazing people you could ever meet. but i know something. they have other friends. they have best friends. we're good friends, but not best friends. we can act like best friends, but we aren't. i want a best friend. i want one. i've got myself so worked up trying to look for one. i should've just trusted God from the start. i still don't have one, but i'm willing to wait. i'm willing to live my life without even finding one. meanwhile, i will enjoy my amazing most incredible friends ever that i do have.

+enjoy your friends+

+life, laugh love+

+best friend, i hope you're out there+

waiting,

anna

i always wonder if i could be brave enough

i always wonder if i could be brave enough. i always wonder if i would have enough courage to save someone; whether it was protecting them from a bully or risking my own neck to pull them from their dangling spot over the cliff back onto solid ground. i've always wondered what i would do in that moment. i wonder if i would have insane courage and just burst out and do it. i wonder if i would be too afraid and run away. i wonder if i would be scared sick and start crying. i wonder if i could, if i was needed, in that dire hour, to save someone. could i save them? would i save them? how would i save them? i want to have that courage. i'm scared. what if i don't have that courage? i don't have courage in other things. if i can't have enough courage to walk up to someone i don't know and introduce myself, how could i save someone from dying? i tell myself it's different. that if it really mattered, i'd pull through. but sometimes it scares me. does it scare you?

+trying to trust in God+

+hoping to have courage+

+praying it will come+

hoping,

anna

"i'm back"

i sat in the dark room as the first rays of sunlight came in. my hands were cold, but i didn't move. i didn't want to make any noise, for fear of missing the first sound of it. i had waited up all night. i couldn't sleep. the rest of my family had been sleeping ever since they'd been sent off to bed. but not me. my cold coffee sat before me on the hardwood table. maria's flowers sat on the windsill. my knee wouldn't keep still, going up and down nervously. when, when, when?

that's when i heard it: the low rumble of the old ford truck. i jumped out of my chair and rushed out the door. my bare feet pounded along the dusty road through the dead yellow grass. my long brown hair flew out behind me. my breathing sounded loud in my ears. i didn't stop, running with all my might towards that sound that i had been waiting for... for what seemed like so long.

i stopped in the middle of the road. there it was. the old ford sputtered to a halt. dad's tall figure strode towards me, shadowed by the sun. i caught my breath. i hadn't see him in what felt like forever. i ran towards him.

"daddy." the words that i'd been yearning to say for so long came off my lips without me even thinking about it.

"i'm back." he hugged me tightly. "my little sarah. i'm back. i'm not leaving."

"i love you, daddy."

"i love you, too, sarah."

i took a walk down the quiet path

i took a walk

down the quiet path

all alone

in the dark

sun rising

through the mist

birds quiet

in the trees

cobbles hard

beneath my feet

winding deep

within the forest

i had heard

the tales

the stories

the legends

about this wood

but they didn't

scare me

i knew the beauties

i knew the secrets

i knew the wonders

of this wood

this place

where people

had made myths

legends

tales

stories

and so i walked forward

unafraid

for what felt like

the forest time

in my life

i took a walk

down the quiet path

needing to get away

from the noise

of life

the business

that seems to consume

everyone else

i can't stand

all of these people

all of this noise

i just need

to get away

to be alone

just have some time

by myself

so

i took a walk

down the quiet path

hoping to find

some quiet

some peace

some beauty

and some time

alone

i took a walk

down the quiet path

breathing in

the fresh scent

of the trees

the beautiful smell

of the flowers

and feeling

finally

free

from the noise

the business

of the city

i was finally

back home

this was the place

i felt

i belonged

i looked for

my friends

and they were

here

the magical

mystical

and sometimes

rather strange

people

who dwelt

in these woods

they had come back

to see me

again

i smiled

we were ready

for an adventure

the only adventure

that you can have

if you take a walk

down the quiet path

and throw off

the busy things

of life

and get away

from the noise

and stay quiet

enough

so that you can

hear them

calling

we were ready

are you?

"i don't want this magical world to end"

i sit out

under the stars

the fairies fly

by my eyes

a trailing light

of magic dust

sparkles in

the pixies' hair

the Lion stands

atop the hill

smiling down at me

my friends sit

around me

watching the stars

basking in

the happiness

that we had found

and i heard

His voice

in my head

"it will end"

"soon you must"

"leave"

and i felt

this sadness

this weight

in my heart

and i stood

and walked

into the forest

and i felt

the words

come off

my lips

"i don't want this magical world to end"

a tear

it slid

down my cheek

"stop it"

i hissed

i didn't want

to think

of leaving here

of leaving

my friends

of leaving

my memories

i didn't want

to forget

anything

but what if i

did?

i didn't want

that to happen

i wanted to come back

i wanted to have

more adventures

here

i wanted to meet

more people

i wanted to go

to new places

i wanted more

amazing things

to happen

 i wanted to live

another lifetime

and i realized

in that dark forest

by myself

that

i didn't want this magical world to end

ever

i felt

a presence

behind me

a loft

comforting

familiar

presence

and i knew

that He

was there

"why?"

i whispered

"why

does all of this

have to end?"

He was silent

for a moment

both of us

quietly standing

the small fairies

their little lights

trailing

glowing lights

in the dark

forest

"because"

He finally started

"because

it is your time"

"because

you have learned

what you were meant to learn

and though

you find this sad

you will find it good

that you learned this

and instead

of being sad

think of all

the happy times

that you have had

here

and be joyful

instead of

sad"

"alright"

i nodded

"i understand"

"thank you"

i heard Him laugh

a low

soft

laugh

"I love you

I will always love you

I will always be there

for you

even when you're scared

when when you think

you're alone

I am there

and I

will always

help you"

and i smiled

and i turned

and He was there

the Lion

and i wrapped

my arms

around His neck

and we just stood there

and i knew--

i knew i would miss

this place

but i also knew

that i was about

to enter

another

"magical" world

and that i

had a new

adventure

before me

you have an adventure \\ live that adventure

thank you

via

thanks for all of your lovely comments, reactions, shares, etc. i love how everything's going on here. i love posting what i post. i love saying what i say. this is a part of me that usually stays hidden in me, because i'm scared to show it. i'm scared people will laugh. but you guys don't. that's why i love sharing it with you. i just want to say thank you. thank you for everything. thank you for being such amazing friends. thank you for not hating me. thank you. <3

i have updated two of my pages, my "about" and my "lovelies" page. i'd love to have you check them out.

until another day

anna

"can we start over?"

she would forever be haunted

by the eyes

the face

the screaming words

that came out

towards her

begging for help

"help"

"help me"

she had ignored them

looked the other way

and walked towards another dream

trying to forget

everything that had happened

everything she'd promised

everything they'd planned

they'd been found out

and she realized

if she'd helped him escape

she would have suffered

the same fate

as him

but then

she didn't know

she only thought of herself

she only thought of getting away

building a new dream

finding a new path

one away from him

where nobody would ever

ever ever ever

guess the truth

years later

she remembered the eyes

she remembered the words

that passed between them

she remembered her own lying words--

"do you know him?"

"no."

his face had fell

his heart had been hardened

she had ruined

years

of relationship

with just one

little

word

she hadn't really realized

what she lost

until she had

really lost it

when he had left

been taken away

and she had fled

hoping for a new life

a new dream

one that she soon found

she would never find

"excuse me"

the voice

at first

wasn't familiar

"yes?"

she turned

and suddenly

it was like she was back

to a girl

who had found

the person she wanted to marry

and suddenly

she felt faint

and grabbed for something

his face paled

his eyes grew large

and that one word

that one accusing word

that one word

that ripped her heart out

and sent it flying

"you"

her eyes flickered

her heart in her throat

"i'm...i'm sorry"

his eyes flashed

anger

he didn't care about her

he didn't care anymore

she had ruined him

she saw it in his eyes

and she felt

the one thing

she had pushed away

so many times

over the years

pain

"please, please, forgive me"

she begged

in a whisper

"i... i should never..."

"no, you shouldn't have"

they both stood there

feeling pain

anger

confusion

and then

suddenly

his face changed

his eyes calmed

and he said the words

that changed her life

forever

"i forgive you

can we start over?"