things i've done

"I am a terrible, terrible faun." "Oh, no, you're the nicest faun I've ever met." "Then I'm afraid you've had a very poor sampling." "Whatever you've done, I'm sure it's not that bad." "It's not something that I've done, Lucy Pevensie; it's something I'm doing." "What... what are you doing?" "I'm kidnapping you." ~Tumnus the Faun and Lucy Pevensie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

but in my case, it is something i've done. things i've done. and sometimes it's hard to let go how horrible you've been; to accept that you can still live, just change. and i am changed. i am so different then i used to be. one thing i do know: i am much, much more sensitive to how i am towards other people. i suppose this could be a good thing, but sometimes it's not. sometimes it's like obsessive, and i feel like i'd rather just have it all over with and start with a clean slate already.

"i can't take this anymore. i just can't take this anymore!"

words help, more then anything. they're my swords that battle my confusing feelings that threaten to make me guilty for the rest of my life. God helps me the most, but He uses your words and others' to help me.... to help me stay.

please just pray for me. <3

some times are better then others, but then i'm attacked again...