Monday, September 2, 2013

i want to be me

i want to fly. i want to soar. i want to paint the sky. i want to inspire. i want to smile. i want to laugh. i want to be free. i want to be brave. i want to be a hero. i want to be courageous. i want to love. i want to cry. i want to run. i want to be an adventurer. i want to try new things. i want to go to new places. i want to live for the One who created me. i want to give up the things that i need to, but have been holding onto. i want to give. i want to flee. i want to sob. i want to fly, fly, fly away, up into the sky, away from my troubles and worries.

i want to be me.

i sometimes... i sometimes feel like i'm on show. like i can't be myself around people. like i have to work so so so hard just to get them to like me. i can't even be a fraction of myself. if i could just be myself, i would probably be what i'm striving for. but i have to try so hard. i don't want to lose them. i don't want them to go away. i'm afraid that if i lose them, i'll be all alone. i don't want to be the outsider. i don't want to be the person that nobody talks to. i don't want to have to work at this. i just want to be myself.

i want a best friend.

i have amazing friends, some of the coolest and most amazing people you could ever meet. but i know something. they have other friends. they have best friends. we're good friends, but not best friends. we can act like best friends, but we aren't. i want a best friend. i want one. i've got myself so worked up trying to look for one. i should've just trusted God from the start. i still don't have one, but i'm willing to wait. i'm willing to live my life without even finding one. meanwhile, i will enjoy my amazing most incredible friends ever that i do have.

+enjoy your friends+
+life, laugh love+
+best friend, i hope you're out there+



  1. Yes, I want to be free :). I'm so much happier when I'm just me. Last winter, when I was in a play, there were some girls that I really really wanted to like me, I ended up being fairly unhappy the whole time, except when I was with this one kid who I'd met before, and who I was myself around. But now, in Sound of Music, I've just been me, and it's been sooooo awesome!!! I've been shocked by all if the nice things people have said to me, and it's because they like me, not who I want to be, but me! And of course, God has had everything to do with it, too. They wouldn't like me so much if it weren't for God. :)
    I hope you find a bestie, but even if you don't, God has an amazing plan!

  2. i totally understand this whole post, cause i share the same feelings. the first paragraph...oh, yes. totally me. <3 the second paragraph: really really true about me. and the third...i too am waiting for that special person.
    anna, you are so amazing. <3



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