i stared at the sunlight coming in from the window and i couldn't help but think:
what's it like to feel normal?
i'd forgotten; it didn't seem like that long ago. but i suppose it was. i suppose it was awhile ago when there wasn't a knot in my stomach. i suppose it was awhile ago when i felt fine about everything. i suppose it was awhile ago when i felt happy. i suppose it was awhile ago when i felt like everything was just perfect, ordinary...
i thought about lying down on the floor. i thought about staring up and out of the window, the sunlight laying on me and basking me in its glory. i thought about how that might make me feel. i thought. and i thought that maybe, just maybe, in that one moment, in that moment of ecstasy as the sun bathed me in a golden glow, the knot might slip away and everything would suddenly feel beautifully normal.
that's when i turned.
and walked away.
+i'm normal now+
+are you going to lie, or walk away?+
+make a choice+
lovely days are coming soon,
|| be still, beating heart.