Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas

it's that time of year again
the time when we
celebrate Christ's birth
Merry Christmas

Monday, December 16, 2013

sometimes you just don't know how to feel

it's like you're so close to it
and yet so far away
you should feel something
but you don't
you just feel normal
you should feel something
you should feel
but you don't
you just don't
know how to

Thursday, December 12, 2013

goodbye, autumn

“Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile.” - William Cullen Bryant
the year’s winding down, and as it does, i realize that now autumn is almost over; in my heart, it already is, for snow is on the ground. and yet the world says it does not end until december 21. for me, it rather ended at the beginning of december. autumn; the year’s last, loveliest smile. comes quickly, and now gone.

like a shadow
like a wraith
here one moment
gone the next
one little smile
one little wink
then flying off
into the sky

goodbye, autumn

Thursday, December 5, 2013

have you ever wondered?

have you ever been in a car and stopped at a red light in a city, where cars are on both of your sides? have you ever looked through your window and seen the people in their cars, and wondered what was going on in their life? where they were going? who they were? what they did? what their dreams and their hopes for the future were? have you ever looked at someone and wondered, what's it like to be them? have you ever thought that maybe somebody wanted to be you, but you think that your life's sometimes just a mess and you can't imagine why anybody would ever want to be you? have you ever stopped and wondered what other people are going through right now? have you ever thought that maybe that smile and nod and laugh is really hiding something that's eating them up inside? have you ever wondered?

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

away from the city


"i need to get away," she whispered, staring out the window. "i just need to get away."

the noise was too much. the people were too much. the buildings, scraping the sky, were too much. it was claustrophic. it was scary. it was too much. she just needed to get away. away from the noise, away from the people, away from the buildings that crowded out the sky - away from the city.

|| sometimes we just need to get away ||

Sunday, November 24, 2013

a little clean up


have you ever felt like everything was just too... cluttered? that's what i was feeling like with this blog. like it was cluttered. and closed. i like simple and open. i think it more reflects what i write, what i've written, and what i want to and am going to write in the future. you know what i mean? i felt like too much was reflected on how the blog looked instead of what this blog said. i think all blogs should reflect what you want to say and everything, but sometimes a design can distract, in my personal opinion, from what it's all about.

anyway, so that's a little explanation about why i changed the design so soon. i needed less clutter. i needed more open. i might change it again. who knows? i can be rather crazy. but for now, this is good. i can do this. this is what i want. simple. open.

feel your heart open
close your eyes
lift your face
to the sun
feel everything
fly away
on the wings
of the breeze
that blows
through the trees
and let your hair
fly away from your face
and your worries be
carried far away
until everything
is gone
and there is only

|| peace and freedom. everything's clean. everything's gone. you're free. let your spirit soar in God's peace.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


"We are all wild at heart"
it's not all 
in the same way
but it's true
 there's something
in each of us
don't let it
take control
of you
let it work
for the One
who is
the Lion of Judah

Saturday, November 16, 2013

the waves are free

have you ever
just looked
at the waves
and thought
what is it like
to be so free?

Monday, November 11, 2013

light up their hearts

i stand on the roof
and stared out
the lights twinkling
i close my eyes
cities full of empty people
"not anymore," i whisper
i was going
to light up their hearts

you can make a difference.

lift your hands to the sky,

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


have you ever
just stopped
and wondered

Sunday, November 3, 2013


Danger:(n.) the possibility of suffering harm or injury.
i could smell it in the air
and see it in the skies
i turned and ran

Saturday, November 2, 2013


snow flakes falling.
cold winter air.
red noses and hands.
breath looking like a dragon's.
warm, thick socks.
warming hands on cocoa.
my winter's about to start.

take a deep breath and smile,

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

try again

i stared down at my hands, letting out a shaky breath. the words wouldn't leave me alone, repeating themselves over and over in my head.

"i'm sorry, you haven't been accepted. you're not good enough."

tears came to my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. what was i going to do now? this was all i'd ever known. this was all i was good at. there was no other future for me. my family was gone. i didn't have any friends. i had no place to go. this had been everything that my life had been. and now it was gone. there was no purpose. i was done.


my dream.... why did it have to be shattered? why did it have to all come tumbling down? i leaned heavily against the building, wishing that today had never happened. wishing that i could go back to that morning, when i had been so hopeful and happy. i wished i could just stay there, and not have to come back to the present--ever. this pain was too much to bear.

"you're hopeless. you'll never make a living out of this. face it--you stink."

i cringed at the thought of the words. why did this have to happen? why?

i turned and walked down the street, my hands in my pockets. i didn't stop until i reached the park on the edge of the bay. i gripped the railings so hard my knuckles turned white. the wind brushed my hair away from my face and dried my tears.

my life was over. there was nothing more here for me.

"no," i whispered. "NO!"

i stared up at the sky. clouds threatened to pour rain. i didn't care. i didn't care if anyone was watching me. i stared up at the sky.'

"God," i started, "you say in your word that you have a plan for me, not to harm me, but to give me a hope and a future. i thought this WAS my hope and my future. so what now? what do i do next? God, i need You. i need help."

that's when i felt it. the despair left me. and a new thought came.

that one person might have said i was worthless. they might have said that i wouldn't amount to anything. but that didn't mean i had to give up. i would practice harder. i would do better. i would come back, and i would do it--i would become a writer, just like i'd always been. and nobody was going to throw that dream away from me. it would be hard, yes, and it would hurt. it would be hard to have to start all over and write better, more beautifully. but i would try and try and try, and try again. i would try until there was another vision that i was given by God.

"i'm not giving up," i whispered. i glanced up at the sky and smiled. "thanks."

Monday, October 28, 2013

let them make you stronger

it's alright
their words
they aren't true
don't let them
break you down
let them make you

Saturday, October 26, 2013

eight word story


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

it has no power

too long i've let it have power
let it run my life
let it run me over
let it drive me to wit's end
let it ruin my days
but no longer

too long have i looked at others
and felt a pain
like i have to be
everything at they are
that i have to be
everything that everyone loves
but no longer

too long have i felt bad
and wished i were them
and wished that those people
had me up there
on that inspired pedestal
but no longer

i'm free
i don't have to be
anything that they are
people care
people make me smile
people make me life
leave me notes
say kind words
they don't care
so why should i?
i'm no one else
i'm just myself

and guess what?
that's the best person to be

that jealousy
it has no power

no longer

Dedicated to God, who helped me
And my friends, who helped me, too

Sunday, October 20, 2013

thank you

thanks so much to everyone who's been praying or who's prayed for me before. thanks so much to everyone for their kind words. thanks so much to everyone for just being my friend. i would apologize for the last post, but i really.... you guys are my friends, you know? and i want to be able to tell my friends anything. (well, not quite everything. but at least get some help, you know?) this is a strange battle i'm fighting. most people will never have to fight it. but those prayers come as extra warriors and help me. and you know what?

i'm feeling better.


i don't know if tomorrow i'm going to go into another guilt war or what, but right now? i'm doing good. God's helping me. my friends and family are helping me. you're helping me. and at this time, i'm trying to be positive; happy; bright.

yesterday, i was listening to the piano guys (i think it was) and i was blogging at the same time, and i just found myself humming along, happily. i found myself feeling free and a big smile came onto my face. that's what i want. i want to have happiness again. i felt like i haven't truly laughed for a decade or something. (don't worry, i have...) or felt happy. or free. but there was also someone (two or three someones, actually) who made me laugh. pretty hard. it was nice. :)

so just thanks.
God bless you guys.

you're all more amazing then you'll ever know,

Saturday, October 19, 2013

things i've done

"I am a terrible, terrible faun." "Oh, no, you're the nicest faun I've ever met." "Then I'm afraid you've had a very poor sampling." "Whatever you've done, I'm sure it's not that bad." "It's not something that I've done, Lucy Pevensie; it's something I'm doing." "What... what are you doing?" "I'm kidnapping you." ~Tumnus the Faun and Lucy Pevensie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
but in my case, it is something i've done. things i've done. and sometimes it's hard to let go how horrible you've been; to accept that you can still live, just change. and i am changed. i am so different then i used to be. one thing i do know: i am much, much more sensitive to how i am towards other people. i suppose this could be a good thing, but sometimes it's not. sometimes it's like obsessive, and i feel like i'd rather just have it all over with and start with a clean slate already.
"i can't take this anymore. i just can't take this anymore!"
words help, more then anything. they're my swords that battle my confusing feelings that threaten to make me guilty for the rest of my life. God helps me the most, but He uses your words and others' to help me.... to help me stay.

please just pray for me. <3

some times are better then others, but then i'm attacked again...

Friday, October 18, 2013

bad memories

i'm the only one who's bringing it back, again and again. just go away, bad memories. why do you keep on haunting me? God, help me. push them away. i don't want them. that's not me anymore.

Memory:(n.) something remembered from the past; a recollection.
i don't want to remember. 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

should i do a linkup?

i was thinking... do you guys think i should do a linkup? i'm not sure. what would it be about? a pictures linkup? if you guys would want it, i would want to know if you guys would actually do it or not, because for me, linkups take a little bit.

tell me your thoughts. they're precious. <3


take a little breath of fresh air,

Friday, October 11, 2013


Lost:(adj.) unable to find one's way; unable to be found.
Look up into the stars and get lost. 

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

"i'm coming, you ready?"

let's grab a cab
and go somewhere
the snow falling
on the windshield
as if bringing
memories of old
right to my doorstep
reminding me
of things i've done
things i'm planning
things i wanted to do
but didn't
but it's alright
it's okay
they're fading away
even the good ones
but that's okay
they're behind me
i'm going on an adventure
through the snow
in a cab
i've got great things
ahead of me
i don't think
about what's behind
i have a future
before me
and that's
all that matters
the past is gone
the future is before me
why live in the past
when we can't
change it?
why not
the future?
why not
make a difference
instead of wallowing
in the things
of the past?
that makes
much more sense
i think
as i sit
in the cab
the snow falling
with a smile
on my face

i'm not
going to think
of the things
of the past
with a dread
i'm going to look
to the things of the future
with a smile
and a little whisper
that says,
"i'm coming"
"you ready?"

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


i was a broken person. i had aged. i no longer felt like myself. i had flown away to some great heights, leaving me here to deal with everything dragging me down, deeper and deeper. i was in the rain, and i could not feel the water. i was in the rain, and all i heard was the storm.

i was no longer free. someone had chained me. they could not be broken. i was in despair. i cried out in pain, wanting to get away, but i could not. i was stuck here forever, i realized. i would never escape. my life was forever misery.
Broken:(adj.) having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order; rejected, defeated, or despairing.
 +i was broken, but not anymore+

the One reached down and picked me up, assembled me into someone new and different then before. am i stronger? i think so. time will tell. i am no longer broken.

Sunday, October 6, 2013


Gratitude: Take nothing for granted. Even a rock will eventually surrender to the sea and love can slip away like sand through fingers. - Michael Faudet
 i live in a beautiful house on beautiful land and have a beautiful family and beautiful friends.

discontent comes, and sometimes i wonder. it's so silly.

don't take anything for granted.

Saturday, October 5, 2013


Nostalgia:(n.) a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.
 I want to go back.

But I can't, ever.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

pathways + choices + ways to go

i lay back
in the sunlight
basking in the glow
smiling up
at the sky
so big and blue
so full of possibilities
i smile
and know
that there
are a thousand pathways
a thousand choices
a thousand ways to go
and all i had to do
was go

there are so many decisions in life. i always get scared about which way to go. i suppose i shouldn't freak out so much. there's One who's watching out for me. i should, instead, see it as an adventure. there's so many places to go.

where do you want to go?

+don't be afraid+
+choices to make+


Monday, September 30, 2013

be a voice not an echo

everything is so loud and crazy out there.
i keep on getting lost. it's scary out there. it's like a forest where there's no sunlight.
i find myself walking behind everyone else. i find myself following everyone else. i find myself copying everyone else.
i have ideas. but i'm too scared. i'm afraid that people won't like them. i'm afraid of what people will say.
they're buried. deep down. they're forgotten. i push them away. i don't want to see them.
"be like us," they say.
"i want to," i say.
i follow.
i don't let my ideas come out.

i am not a voice.
i am an echo.

i walk among the trees.
they are quiet, silent; they rise up to the skies, but their roots are in the ground, deep down here with me.
and that's where it comes.
"i have an idea."
i push it away. i don't want to see them.
but there's another voice, and it breaks through the subdued silence that i have become. it is my true voice, one that i have pushed away, again and again, with every other idea that was ever hidden with my fear.
it speaks.
it whispers.
it says,
"speak out.
share your ideas.
be your own voice.
don't be an echo."

i am not a voice.
i am an echo.

i'm scared.
i run through the forest. i don't look back. my eyes are blinded. with what?
i run harder.
the voice is still here. and suddenly, i've stopped. i'm not scared. i'm tired; tired of running away, tired of hiding, tired of burying every hope and dream i ever had deep down inside of myself, never to see the light of day.
and so i stand.
and suddenly it's all gone. all the fear is washed away. everything about me that whispered "echo" on the night wind has been blown away by itself.
and so i stand.
and i say,

"i am a voice.
i am not an echo."

i went off.
i took a book.
i took a pen.
 i wrote words.
i gave the words.
i made a smile.

+be a voice, not an echo+

take courage, dear heart,

|| i was an echo. but not anymore.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

let's string a thousand lights

let's string a thousand lights
on every little house
that a yell has been heard from
that an angry word has been said
let's string a thousand lights
and maybe with a little light
and a lot of love
everything might feel
just a little bit
just a little bit
and just a little bit

let's string a thousand lights
on the government's gate
in hope that they
would somehow see
the big plan that God
really wants to happen
in hope that they
can be saved
in His unending grace
so that they
would help to lead us
in the way
of the King of Kings
and the Lord of Lords
the Lion of Judah

let's string a thousand lights
on the evergreen tree
that tall one
that reaches up to the sky
let's hang some tinsel
and maybe a few porcelain ornaments
of beautiful red
and purple
and green
and blue
and silver
and gold
and on the top
let's put a star
shining like the sun
leading us
to the One
who has a plan
for each and every one of us

let's string a thousand lights
let's light a thousand candles
let's give a thousand hopes
to a thousand lost peoples

let's string a thousand lights

Friday, September 20, 2013

i will soar

i will soar on wings like eagles
i will fly high above the earth
i will be freed of this sin
that that is weighing me down
and dragging me back to earth
i will fly
and i will discover
that flying
is so much better
then falling
i will soar on wings like eagles
i will be rid of everything that worries my heart
i will lift my arms
and soar
i with close my eyes
and laugh
for the bliss of simply being

i keep on thinking of bad things i've done in the past, and i feel sick. i keep on thinking of things that i've done before, when i hadn't realized they were bad. i keep on thinking of things past that i can't help, but they still make me feel as horrible as if i'd done them on purpose. it's good to confess. but now, more then ever, i'm beginning to understand that song by third day that goes "i will soar on wings like eagles." when we lift up what's going on in our lives to God, suddenly everything seems to fall away and our hearts, spirits, and minds can feel like they're soaring freely across the sky. i don't want to forget that feeling. i wish that feeling could always be mine. i'm getting better had just facing the truth and not letting myself get battered by myself. it's easier to know that God's there every step of the way, just waiting to let me soar on wings like eagles. <3

+let's soar+
+close your eyes+

suddenly feeling free,

|| i will soar on wings like eagles.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

let's eat some cereal together

i smiled. she giggled. milk dripped off my spoon and plopped back into my bowl. her elbow bumped the table, spilling milk on the old wooden table. she gives me a guilty look, but i only smile and reach over, wiping it up with a napkin. she gives me a toothy grin. i give her a wink. she giggles, and slurps milk and cereal into her mouth. i grin, watching her, her little golden curls bouncing with her every movement. we were separated by ten years. i was the oldest, she was the youngest. but it didn't matter. we were sisters. she looked up to me like a mother. i looked up to her like a friend. in her simplest, child-like manner, she would say things that would make so much sense, and make me wonder why i hadn't thought that before. i could be a horrible mess of a crying wreck, and she would simply slip her small hand into mine, so warm, so tiny, so precious. her large eyes would look up at me and she'd whisper, "you ok?" and i'd wipe away the tears and nod, smiling down at her little face. she made days bearable for me. she gave me that smile i needed. she gave me that encouragement to reach the last mile. she might've only been give years old, but she was wiser then someone who was five hundred years old. i would forever love my little sister. she saw the simple things that i often forgot. she saved me from the silliest things. she lifted my hopes and brightened my days. she was my little sunshine.

i can still remember the words she said as i came down the stairs that morning, my face puffy from crying from the night before. she didn't know, or need to know, about the yelling that had gone on. she didn't need to know about the horrible words screamed at me, the same words that i screamed back. she didn't need to know anything other then that i was her sister, and that we loved each other. she just came up to me with her innocence. her beautiful big eyes stared up at me as she whispered the so simple words. the simple words that suddenly brightened my day and made everything better.

"let's eat some cereal together."

Tuesday, September 17, 2013


i stared at the sunlight coming in from the window and i couldn't help but think:
what's it like to feel normal?
i'd forgotten; it didn't seem like that long ago. but i suppose it was. i suppose it was awhile ago when there wasn't a knot in my stomach. i suppose it was awhile ago when i felt fine about everything. i suppose it was awhile ago when i felt happy. i suppose it was awhile ago when i felt like everything was just perfect, ordinary...
i thought about lying down on the floor. i thought about staring up and out of the window, the sunlight laying on me and basking me in its glory. i thought about how that might make me feel. i thought. and i thought that maybe, just maybe, in that one moment, in that moment of ecstasy as the sun bathed me in a golden glow, the knot might slip away and everything would suddenly feel beautifully normal.
that's when i turned.
and walked away.

+i'm normal now+
+are you going to lie, or walk away?+
+make a choice+

lovely days are coming soon,

|| be still, beating heart.

Sunday, September 15, 2013


being mentioned on this amazingly awesome blog <3
my friends
the reactions to this
mandisa's new song
going to church and being with other Christians <3
having some free time to work on designs for my own blogs
rose colors
you guys <3 (always)

what are you loving?

if you're not loving anything at the moment, slow down, breath deep, go for a walk, and realize the beauty that's all around you right at your fingertips that we often look over and forget. there's beauty everywhere. just remember that.

look around with eyes open wide,

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

i have this thing

i have this thing. every time i do something bad that sometimes is out of my control to fix, something that's rather really bad, i get this feeling. like i'm going to puke. like i can't live with that thought. i hate this feeling. it sneaks up on me. it attacks me most when i don't even mean to do something. that's when it hits. when i don't mean to do something bad, but i do, and it's bad, and people talk about it. and i just want to sit in a hole and cry.

sometimes, this can be good. it makes me see things that are bad and it makes me change. but i think that part of it is bad. instead of changing and moving on, it forces me to stay stuck in that horrible moment, running myself into the ground. that's not good. that's not what God wants for me. He has great things for me. i wasn't meant to drive myself into the ground. that's when We have to fight. that's when God helps me, and i push through that feeling. that's when i sing songs and recite verses to get that feeling away. and suddenly i feel... free. i realize that, yes, i mess up, but God forgives me. i don't have to hide. i don't have to puke. i don't have to feel like the worst person on earth. God loves me. He knows that i make mistakes. but He will still love me, whatever happens.

+you might do something bad, but don't worry, it's not the end+
+God loves you forever+
+God's always there+


Tuesday, September 10, 2013

i can't be anybody else

i can't be anybody else
nobody else but me
i can't be you
i can't be her
i can't be anybody
anybody else
other then me
i can try
i can strive
but guess what?
it's just not
going to work
i try
but i fail
and you know?
because i'm
i'm me
people might say
that i'm horrible
people might say
that i'm amazing
but that doesn't mean
that i should
to be someone
just because
there's something
that everybody
about them
just because
people that you care about
and are friends with
like somebody else
doesn't mean
that they don't
like you
doesn't mean
that you have to
be like them
be yourself
if they don't like you
that's their problem
that doesn't
that you go off
and be
but to some extent
you just need
to be

i can't be anybody else
so i'm to be myself <3

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

i'm going to miss you

i'm going to miss you. yes, i'm going awhile for awhile. don't worry, there's some posts that have been planned out, so that you'll still hear from me, about once a week, i believe. i'm taking a little break. focusing more on some things that i tend to neglect. getting some really good time in with people that i care about. trying to get some things sorted out in my life. you know. all the usual things that could tear a person away from their lovely friends on blogger.

i'll miss you guys. i promise, if i don't die, or something out of the ordinary, that i'll start posting again in october. but don't worry, dear heart. posts will be coming. just scheduled. oh, how sad that sounds. you won't be really speaking to me now, but speaking to a person who scrambled together posts for a whole month and more in one whole day. but that's alright, right?

+i'll miss you+
+hope you miss me+
+hopefully see you soon+

live a lovely life for the One,

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

let's blow some magic

let's blow some magic
let's take some
and put it in our hands
and blow a little air
and watch them swirl
to the ground
like a thousand
happy thoughts
and wishes
let's blow some magic
blow it all around
let it fall on people
make them smile
make them laugh
make them remember
their dreams
their wishes
the things
that they tried
to forget
but that they really
needed to remember
let's blow some magic
let's let it fly
let's let it reach
and touch the sky
let's let it fall
back down on us
let's hope that with a smile
it'll help remind us
of our dreams
of our wishes
of the things
we tried to forget
but that we really
needed to remember
let's blow some magic


see the magic fly

Monday, September 2, 2013

i want to be me

i want to fly. i want to soar. i want to paint the sky. i want to inspire. i want to smile. i want to laugh. i want to be free. i want to be brave. i want to be a hero. i want to be courageous. i want to love. i want to cry. i want to run. i want to be an adventurer. i want to try new things. i want to go to new places. i want to live for the One who created me. i want to give up the things that i need to, but have been holding onto. i want to give. i want to flee. i want to sob. i want to fly, fly, fly away, up into the sky, away from my troubles and worries.

i want to be me.

i sometimes... i sometimes feel like i'm on show. like i can't be myself around people. like i have to work so so so hard just to get them to like me. i can't even be a fraction of myself. if i could just be myself, i would probably be what i'm striving for. but i have to try so hard. i don't want to lose them. i don't want them to go away. i'm afraid that if i lose them, i'll be all alone. i don't want to be the outsider. i don't want to be the person that nobody talks to. i don't want to have to work at this. i just want to be myself.

i want a best friend.

i have amazing friends, some of the coolest and most amazing people you could ever meet. but i know something. they have other friends. they have best friends. we're good friends, but not best friends. we can act like best friends, but we aren't. i want a best friend. i want one. i've got myself so worked up trying to look for one. i should've just trusted God from the start. i still don't have one, but i'm willing to wait. i'm willing to live my life without even finding one. meanwhile, i will enjoy my amazing most incredible friends ever that i do have.

+enjoy your friends+
+life, laugh love+
+best friend, i hope you're out there+


Sunday, September 1, 2013

i always wonder if i could be brave enough

i always wonder if i could be brave enough. i always wonder if i would have enough courage to save someone; whether it was protecting them from a bully or risking my own neck to pull them from their dangling spot over the cliff back onto solid ground. i've always wondered what i would do in that moment. i wonder if i would have insane courage and just burst out and do it. i wonder if i would be too afraid and run away. i wonder if i would be scared sick and start crying. i wonder if i could, if i was needed, in that dire hour, to save someone. could i save them? would i save them? how would i save them? i want to have that courage. i'm scared. what if i don't have that courage? i don't have courage in other things. if i can't have enough courage to walk up to someone i don't know and introduce myself, how could i save someone from dying? i tell myself it's different. that if it really mattered, i'd pull through. but sometimes it scares me. does it scare you?

+trying to trust in God+
+hoping to have courage+
+praying it will come+


Saturday, August 31, 2013

"i'm back"

i sat in the dark room as the first rays of sunlight came in. my hands were cold, but i didn't move. i didn't want to make any noise, for fear of missing the first sound of it. i had waited up all night. i couldn't sleep. the rest of my family had been sleeping ever since they'd been sent off to bed. but not me. my cold coffee sat before me on the hardwood table. maria's flowers sat on the windsill. my knee wouldn't keep still, going up and down nervously. when, when, when?

that's when i heard it: the low rumble of the old ford truck. i jumped out of my chair and rushed out the door. my bare feet pounded along the dusty road through the dead yellow grass. my long brown hair flew out behind me. my breathing sounded loud in my ears. i didn't stop, running with all my might towards that sound that i had been waiting for... for what seemed like so long.

i stopped in the middle of the road. there it was. the old ford sputtered to a halt. dad's tall figure strode towards me, shadowed by the sun. i caught my breath. i hadn't see him in what felt like forever. i ran towards him.

"daddy." the words that i'd been yearning to say for so long came off my lips without me even thinking about it.

"i'm back." he hugged me tightly. "my little sarah. i'm back. i'm not leaving."

"i love you, daddy."

"i love you, too, sarah."

Friday, August 30, 2013

i took a walk down the quiet path

i took a walk
down the quiet path
all alone
in the dark
sun rising
through the mist
birds quiet
in the trees
cobbles hard
beneath my feet
winding deep
within the forest
i had heard
the tales
the stories
the legends
about this wood
but they didn't
scare me
i knew the beauties
i knew the secrets
i knew the wonders
of this wood
this place
where people
had made myths
and so i walked forward
for what felt like
the forest time
in my life

i took a walk
down the quiet path
needing to get away
from the noise
of life
the business
that seems to consume
everyone else
i can't stand
all of these people
all of this noise
i just need
to get away
to be alone
just have some time
by myself
i took a walk
down the quiet path
hoping to find
some quiet
some peace
some beauty
and some time

i took a walk
down the quiet path
breathing in
the fresh scent
of the trees
the beautiful smell
of the flowers
and feeling
from the noise
the business
of the city
i was finally
back home
this was the place
i felt
i belonged
i looked for
my friends
and they were
the magical
and sometimes
rather strange
who dwelt
in these woods
they had come back
to see me

i smiled
we were ready
for an adventure
the only adventure
that you can have
if you take a walk
down the quiet path
and throw off
the busy things
of life
and get away
from the noise
and stay quiet
so that you can
hear them

we were ready
are you?

Thursday, August 29, 2013

"i don't want this magical world to end"

i sit out
under the stars
the fairies fly
by my eyes
a trailing light
of magic dust
sparkles in
the pixies' hair
the Lion stands
atop the hill
smiling down at me
my friends sit
around me
watching the stars
basking in
the happiness
that we had found
and i heard
His voice
in my head
"it will end"
"soon you must"
and i felt
this sadness
this weight
in my heart
and i stood
and walked
into the forest
and i felt
the words
come off
my lips
"i don't want this magical world to end"

a tear
it slid
down my cheek
"stop it"
i hissed
i didn't want
to think
of leaving here
of leaving
my friends
of leaving
my memories
i didn't want
to forget
but what if i
i didn't want
that to happen
i wanted to come back
i wanted to have
more adventures
i wanted to meet
more people
i wanted to go
to new places
i wanted more
amazing things
to happen
 i wanted to live
another lifetime
and i realized
in that dark forest
by myself
i didn't want this magical world to end

i felt
a presence
behind me
a loft
and i knew
that He
was there
i whispered
does all of this
have to end?"
He was silent
for a moment
both of us
quietly standing
the small fairies
their little lights
glowing lights
in the dark
He finally started
it is your time"
you have learned
what you were meant to learn
and though
you find this sad
you will find it good
that you learned this
and instead
of being sad
think of all
the happy times
that you have had
and be joyful
instead of
i nodded
"i understand"
"thank you"
i heard Him laugh
a low
"I love you
I will always love you
I will always be there
for you
even when you're scared
when when you think
you're alone
I am there
and I
will always
help you"
and i smiled
and i turned
and He was there
the Lion
and i wrapped
my arms
around His neck
and we just stood there
and i knew--
i knew i would miss
this place
but i also knew
that i was about
to enter
"magical" world
and that i
had a new
before me

you have an adventure \\ live that adventure

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

thank you

thanks for all of your lovely comments, reactions, shares, etc. i love how everything's going on here. i love posting what i post. i love saying what i say. this is a part of me that usually stays hidden in me, because i'm scared to show it. i'm scared people will laugh. but you guys don't. that's why i love sharing it with you. i just want to say thank you. thank you for everything. thank you for being such amazing friends. thank you for not hating me. thank you. <3

i have updated two of my pages, my "about" and my "lovelies" page. i'd love to have you check them out.

until another day

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

"can we start over?"

she would forever be haunted
by the eyes
the face
the screaming words
that came out
towards her
begging for help
"help me"
she had ignored them
looked the other way
and walked towards another dream
trying to forget
everything that had happened
everything she'd promised
everything they'd planned
they'd been found out
and she realized
if she'd helped him escape
she would have suffered
the same fate
as him
but then
she didn't know
she only thought of herself
she only thought of getting away
building a new dream
finding a new path
one away from him
where nobody would ever
ever ever ever
guess the truth

years later
she remembered the eyes
she remembered the words
that passed between them
she remembered her own lying words--
"do you know him?"
his face had fell
his heart had been hardened
she had ruined
of relationship
with just one
she hadn't really realized
what she lost
until she had
really lost it
when he had left
been taken away
and she had fled
hoping for a new life
a new dream
one that she soon found
she would never find

"excuse me"
the voice
at first
wasn't familiar
she turned
and suddenly
it was like she was back
to a girl
who had found
the person she wanted to marry
and suddenly
she felt faint
and grabbed for something
his face paled
his eyes grew large
and that one word
that one accusing word
that one word
that ripped her heart out
and sent it flying
her eyes flickered
her heart in her throat
"i'm...i'm sorry"
his eyes flashed
he didn't care about her
he didn't care anymore
she had ruined him
she saw it in his eyes
and she felt
the one thing
she had pushed away
so many times
over the years


"please, please, forgive me"
she begged
in a whisper
"i... i should never..."
"no, you shouldn't have"
they both stood there
feeling pain
and then
his face changed
his eyes calmed
and he said the words
that changed her life
"i forgive you
can we start over?"