Jessie the Intercom Lady

Dear Readers,

Hey, what's up? This is Jessie Bender, coming back to you to tell you that...

OK-it's-really-not-like-that-I...

Wait, Noah hasn't told you?

Oh, thank GOODNESS!

I really thought I was dead meat, but...

Oh, stink, now you want to know what on earth I'm talking about?

OK, fine, I'll tell you guys.

But you'd better not laugh, alright?

So I was in the newspaper office when I just thought of something.

"I really don't like the newspaper," I whispered. "And I always get paired with the jerks that I hate."

So I went and resigned.

Pretty much.

Noah: *at lunch* Why on earth?! Now I won't show up on the newspaper's front cover as much!!

Me: Um, excuse me??? Is that all I really am to you? Your publicity?

Noah: Well, of course not, I mean...

Me: You mean the only reason that you're friends with me isn't because I'm amazingly funny and everything interesting happens to me but because you just want to be in the newspaper...? I can't believe that you would DO that to me!

Noah: Of course not! Calm down, Jessie!

And that's when I came up with the great idea.

"Noah," I started, "I want to be over the intercom."

He looked at me. "What?"

"You know," I snorted. "Like I say the Pledge of Allegiance in the morning, I give out all of the reports, I tell people they have to go to the principal's office... Look, didn't you know that an eighth grader girl did it last year?"

Noah laughed. "Yeah, but you're not an eighth grader. You're a seventh grader."

I glared at him. "That's not the point. That's the job I want to do."

"Jessie," Noah sighed, "are you sure?"

I snorted. "Of course I'm sure! What could possibly happen?"

So then I got myself signed up. Like everybody in the entire school knows me, so of course they wanted me to work the intercom.

At first it was pretty awesome--"Zach Hall, Zach Hall, please get down to the principal's office" "Everyone must turn in their reports for Girl of the Year before Tuesday" "I pledge allegiance, to the flag..."--but then something really awful happened.

OK, that's the end.

Just kidding.

I was sitting in side of The Box, as I called it, and was about to get started on the huge list of things I had to say over the intercom when somebody knocked on the glass.

It was, unfortunately, Maya.

I groaned and opened the window. "What on earth do you want?"

She just smiled, handed me a note, and walked away. I turned it over. It read please read over the intercom immediately. I rolled my eyes. Really, Maya?

I sighed, turned on the mike, and started reading.

"Marcus has a secret crush on... oh my gosh, I'm going to puke!" I couldn't believe I'd just said that. I stared in horror at the mike, and then quickly switched it off. "MAYA!" I shrieked.

And that's not even the most horrible part.

I get back to my house, horrified, tell Mom and Dad, and then what happens? I get a phone call. No, no, not from Marcus, from Noah.

Me: Hello?

Noah: It's true. He confessed.

Me: What're you talking about?

Noah: Um, the thingy on the intercom? He just confessed to me that it was true.

Me: YUCK I'M GOING TO PUKE RIGHT NOW!!!!

Noah: Just relax.

Me: How can I?! It's not like it said "Maya has a really huge overly noticable crush on Noah" it SAID "Marcus has a secret crush on Jessie Bender"!!! I'm going to DIE!

Mom: *from the other room* Oh, lighten up. It's not like you're really going to marry him.

Me: ?!!!!!!?????

Noah: Jessie, just relax.

How can I? I'M GOING TO DIE!!!

Love,
Jessie

P.S. MAJOR HELP!!!!!!!