Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I have fears... lots of fears


fear
icy cold down your neck
reaching to for you
taunting you
a cold touch
something behind you
but nothing really there
fear
strong, powerful
unbreakable, it seems
something lying in the dark
hidden
but there
fear

I have fears. Lots of them. My fears range from things I'm afraid of doing to things that just plain scare me. Sad to say, horses cause fear in me. Some are sweet and I like them, but others... I feel like that chill down my back. I glance over my shoulder at them, and it's like they're just... watching me. Waiting for me to get in their way, so they can kick me. Bite me. Hurt me. Throw me off.

I have fears that I won't ever be able to play volleyball again, since I tore my ACL. I think of things, see things that others do, and wonder, Will I ever be able to do that again? Will I ever be able to make that jump? Will I ever be able to hit that ball? Will I ever be able to run that mile? Will I have be able to anything I want to, ever again?

I have fears of bad dreams. I see things, I watch things, I read that, things happen, and I find myself fearful that my sleep's going to be ruined, just because I did that.

I have fears when I'm walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I'm not even joking. Like it always seems like there's something following me or something, and I just want to jump into my bed and hide under the covers. (yeah, because the covers is a magic shield... =P)

There's just that chill you get. Just that feel like something's behind you. There's that fear. Horrible, horrible fear.

Why do we let fear control us? Why do we let it get a hold? I don't even know. It just creeps into our spirits like a seeping darkness. I hate fear. I hate it with a passion.

But with God, we don't have to fear.

"Cast your burdens upon the Lord and he will sustain you; he will not let the righteous fall." Whenever I'm afraid, I repeat this verse over and over to myself. Because if I tell God about my fear, He's going to help me through it. To sustain me through it. And I don't have to worry.

rise
rise
we have beaten the fear
the fear is driven away
the darkness is gone
light sprays upon us
a bright gold
beautiful gold
sunlight is everywhere
light is everywhere
God is everywhere
rise
you are free


6 comments:

  1. The opposite of fear is love...It truly is wonderful that God is always there for us:)-Katy

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  2. Like I seriously have a fear of hanging my foot over the side of the bed at night. Like I'm not even kidding! I feel like a hand is gonna reach out from underneath, and grab me. So one night I said to myself: "Christy, this is stupid! I gotta get oveer this fear!" So I hung my foot over the bed all night...and guess what??? Nothing happened! I can describe how long it took me to fall asleep, or how much my mind was playing tricks on me. But ever since then, I haven't been half as afraid. I still am a little uneasy about it, but not like totally AFRAID!:)
    I'm glad I got over that fear pretty much! :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I KNOW!!!! You are not the only one. =P haha :)

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